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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measure can be taken to deal with this problem?

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With an ever-increasing human population, the competition for
resources
 has significantly negatively impacted the welfare of many animal
species
.
This
 essay will discuss why
animals
 should be protected and how
this
 issue can be addressed.
Firstly
, it is important that
animals
 are protected because each
species
 is an integral component of the ecosystem we inhabit. Their roles can be as part of the food chain or in performing another important function for other
species
.
Therefore
, if one
species
 is lost
this
 can negatively impact other
species
 and,
therefore
, our entire ecosystem.
For example
, lions in Africa keep the numbers of their prey in balance by removing weak and sick members of their herd,
consequently
, avowing over-proliferation and the damage it causes to the environment. Another example is that bees,
pollens
Fix the agreement mistake
pollen
show examples
 are carried from plant to plant by bees,
consequently
, increasing the population of plants on earth. Ensuring that local human populations have adequate
resources
 to meet their needs by distributing wealth more equally amongst their citizens.
First,
governments can ensure that rural communities are not forced to look for
resources
 in areas where the animal populations would be significantly affected.
Second,
with illegal hunting, much of
this
 is done out of economic necessity rather than for sport. By addressing the needs of their communities more broadly governments can reduce the necessity for humans to use
animals
 as a resource.
To conclude
,
animals
 are crucial to our ecosystem, which makes important their protection. I believe that
governments
Change the noun form
government
show examples
 measures against
this
 issue would be a better distribution of welfare,
consequently
, easing the need to use
resources
 that affect our planet.
Submitted by leandro-vs- on

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Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully to address all parts of the task. Ensure you have given a complete response to the question, including discussing the importance of animal protection and providing a range of measures to deal with the problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the organization of your essay. While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure that your main points are articulated and expanded upon in separate paragraphs for better clarity and flow of information.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. Use relevant examples to illustrate your arguments. The examples you provided can be further elaborated to highlight their relevance and importance. For instance, expand on how biodiversity affects ecosystems and provide a detailed explanation of the consequences of bee population decline.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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