IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health.do you agree or disgree.

#doctors #patients #health #disgree
Healthcare workers are considered
heros
Correct your spelling
heroes
 of society ,and it is contended by some masses that
doctors
 should render the
knowledge
 of wholesome
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 to their patients
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 I
accord
Verb problem
agree
show examples
 with
this
 assertion solely, and I will mention various factors in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 composition to support
this
 particular notion. To commence with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to detect repercussions triggered by
fallacious
Correct article usage
the fallacious
show examples
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 of humans. In detail, healthcare workers have enormous
knowledge
 about
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
 functioning and
this
 provides them
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to detect the suspicious symptoms of fatal ailments at curable stages.
Moreover
,
Add an article
a regular
show examples
regular
Change the adjective
regularly
show examples
 scheduled check-up with healthcare professionals
also
 renders
opportunity
Correct article usage
an opportunity
show examples
 of detecting fatal
dieseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 at early stages.
For instance
, breast cancer symptoms
soccour
Correct your spelling
occur
 in early stage detection and early finding of
this
 illness results in receiving curable treatment which could save
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of a patient.
Thus
,
doctors
impart
Verb problem
play
show examples
prominent
Correct article usage
a prominent
show examples
 role in saving life of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
. Probing ahead, society has
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 baleful approach towards the discussion of private part problems, and meetings with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
 provide
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
 to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
such
 problems and get rid unwholesome lifestyle.
For instance
, female
gynecologist
Fix the agreement mistake
gynecologists
show examples
 could render
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge
 regarding ailments like vaginal infections which are very common in females but, ladies do not pay much attention to these problems
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
knowledge
 and suffer from unbearable irritation in
private
Correct pronoun usage
their private
show examples
 parts.
Thus
,
such
careless
Correct article usage
a careless
show examples
 approach towards health leads to major issues like ovary cancer.
Therefore
,
knowledge
 about health should be provided by professionals.
However
, it should be a collective approach of commoners and administration including
doctors
. Owing to the fact that authorities should organize campaigns to provide sources of
knowledge
 about human health as literacy
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plays
immense
Add an article
an immense
show examples
 role in leading
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 life. In conclusion, from
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
rationales
Add a comma
rationales,
show examples
 it can be said that undoubtedly
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 role is played by professional
doctors
 in
process
Correct article usage
the process
show examples
 of curing and
awaring
Correct your spelling
awarding
 individuals about
salutary
Correct article usage
the salutary
show examples
 lifestyle
however
, commoners and authorities should
also
 support them by providing them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 providing
knowledge
.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that you fully extend and support your ideas in the body paragraphs with appropriate examples.
task achievement
Maintain a clear position throughout the response.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay structure, ensuring your ideas are sequenced logically throughout the paragraphs and that there are clear connections between them.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to help your essay flow more naturally from one idea to the next.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: