IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

A highly controversial issue today relates to a significant increase in deaths in developing
countries
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due to
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 the lack of medications available for curable diseases. I strongly believe that pharmaceutical
companies
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 should supply their medicines to these
countries
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 at an affordable price as it promotes equality, public
health
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 and long-term business sustainability. Developing
countries
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 do not have proper healthcare insurance systems. People in these nations die from preventable diseases
due to
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 the high cost of essential drugs. Lowering the price of drugs can significantly decrease the mortality rate.
For instance
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, affordable malaria treatment could drastically reduce death rates in sub-Saharan African regions where the disease is widespread.
Moreover
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, improved public
health
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 can lead to better economic growth as a healthy workforce enhances productivity and lowers the financial burden on national healthcare systems. Critics often argue that lowering the price would undermine the drug
companies
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's ability to fund new research and innovations.
This
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 concern can addressed through the introduction of a tiered system where wealthier nations pay higher
prices
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 for medicines to compensate for
countries
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 with lower
prices
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.
Moreover
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, international organizations and governments can introduce subsidies and tax incentives to drug firms in order to maintain profitability without compromising on humanitarian efforts. Beyond the ethical considerations already discussed, affordable
prices
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also
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 foster global harmony and a good corporate reputation.
Companies
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 who sell medicines at lower
prices
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 have higher chances to gain customer support and brand loyalty which may lead to long-term profitability.
Moreover
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, preventing disease outbreaks in developing
countries
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 reduces the risk of global
health
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 crises, benefiting the whole world. In Conclusion, making essential medication available for poor
countries
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 is both a moral obligation and a strategic decision which promotes global
health
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, economic stability and the long-term sustainability of pharmaceutical
companies
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 themselves.

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the connection between main ideas and supporting details to improve flow.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument clearly supports your main thesis throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have a strong thesis that clearly states your opinion on the issue.
task achievement
Your use of examples, like malaria treatment, makes your argument relatable and real.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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