In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Today, in the world nothing is
impossiple
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impossible

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. sometimes the thinking of cultures
are
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is

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different from other cultures. Some people can rely on
children
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to
acomplish
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accomplish

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everything
while
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others can not. In
this
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essy
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essay

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, I will mention the advantages and
disadantages
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disadvantages

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about
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of

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making
children
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achive
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achieve
archive

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everything. In the beginning, there are a lot of advantages
if
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to

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making
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

do it some working in
the
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apply

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real life.
Firstly
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, they make
them
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themselves

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self_reliant
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self-reliant

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without the interference of others.
For example
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, they become more capable of accomplishing things and
this
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make
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makes

The plural verb make does not appear to agree with the singular subject this. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

stronger.
Secondly
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,
through rely
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by relying

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on kids to
achive
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achieve

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working
Replace the word
work

The word working doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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or
anythings
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anything

It seems that anythings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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,
the
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their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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knowledge and thinking will be improved because
the
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their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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awareness and skills will increase and know how to deal with
certain
Add an article
a certain

The noun phrase certain situation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations

It seems that situation may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
On the other hand
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, there are many negatives. The
children
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

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can
do
Verb problem
make

There may be a verb use issue here.

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many mistakes when the family is not supervising them.
For instance
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, they could put themselves in danger because their mind is not yet fully developed.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if making child
choose
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chooses

It seems that the verb choose does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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his or her opinion in life without
discuss
Wrong verb form
discussing it

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb discuss. Consider changing it.

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with the family, in the future they can not control them. In conclusion, the thinking is different from comity to another.
Children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could
achive
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achieve
archive

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o r
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or

The word o r seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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help family but need to control and monitor them.
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Also
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Also,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Also. Consider adding a comma.

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give them
chance
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a chance

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to learn and apply

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task achievement
Task achievement refers to the extent to which the essay fulfills the requirements of the task with relevant, extended and supported ideas. Your essay does address both advantages and disadvantages of the given statement, but the ideas are under-developed and lack clear, detailed examples. You should work on explaining your points more thoroughly and provide relevant, specific examples to support them.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion concern the overall clarity and fluency of the essay. The essay lacks a logical flow, and ideas are not clearly connected or paragraphed. Make use of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs. Introductions and conclusions should also summarize the main points effectively. Your spelling and grammar errors also hinder the clarity of your message. It's important to revise your essay to correct these issues and improve readability.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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