IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#year #school #university #trend
Although
 some benefit of taking a year off between finishing school and going to university is taking a break and getting ready for university by learning a new language and looking closely at the required major , but
also
 has one problem , which is ، that it affects the person's academic
age
 ,
therefore
,
this
 essay will argue that the advantages of taking a hole do not outweigh the disadvantage. On the one hand, taking a break without studying is an awestruck decision to take a rest and learn a new language and look closely at the major, especially, if the college teaches a new accent or edits the major books or documents.
Additionally
, it gives double power when returning to study again,
for example
, my friend took a hole before enrolling at King Khalid Academy, and she is studying English and Java dialect, Because, she wants to enter in computer science major,
moreover
, she is studying
last
 period with fully of power.
On the other hand
, the downside of taking a break is the gap of discontinuing studies for a full year, which leads to several problems later,
such
 as being late to study with friends. High school studies and some jobs require a certain
age
that is
 not too old,
for instance
, jobs in Saudi Arabia require a high limit of
age
such
 as applying in cybersecurity not acceptable for any old
age
 above 25 years. All in all, after analysing both the benefits and downsides of taking time off between finishing school and going to the academy,
hence
, the negative effects of that definitely outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by x.ra5eelah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay attempts to respond to the question by discussing both advantages and disadvantages. However, some ideas are not fully developed or clearly articulated. Try to elaborate more clearly on the points you raise and provide more detailed explanations and examples where necessary.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Ensure each paragraph follows a clear, logical sequence that enhances the readability of your writing. Use linking phrases to smoothly transition between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction and conclusion to ensure they effectively frame your arguments. Clearly state the purpose of your essay in the introduction and succinctly summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You’ve done a good job of presenting both sides of the argument. Addressing both advantages and disadvantages makes your essay well-rounded.
task achievement
Including a personal example adds authenticity to your essay. This helps illustrate your point more effectively and engages the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal growth
  • cultural exchange
  • employability
  • academic pressures
  • burnout
  • resume building
  • global awareness
  • academic skills deterioration
  • financial implications
  • structured educational environment
  • peer separation
  • readjusting
  • rigor
What to do next:
Look at other essays: