IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree？ Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Tax
Use synonyms
 is a vital part of the government’s earnings.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some
people
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 believe that individuals should leave all the salary they obtain. From my perspective, I don’t support
this
Linking Words
 view and
this
Linking Words
 essay will briefly discuss the reasons for my point. The primary reason for paying taxes is that numerous public measures need money.
However
Linking Words
, the government don’t have sufficient income to pay for them, if it can’t gain the
tax
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, Some China cities, like Chende, suffer in a situation where the local government can’t spend enough fee on public transport because of the decrease of the
tax
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.
People
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 have to go to work by expensive private car or bicycle which will cost more time. Obviously, the insufficient
tax
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 will contribute to the lower quality of public service. What’s more, if
people
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 can receive all the salary, it will achieve an imbalance between the poor and the rich.
For instance
Linking Words
, research by South China Normal University illustrates that
tax
Use synonyms
 is an effective method to switch the economic conditions of both of them. It suggests that high taxes can prevent rich men from earning more money from their fixed assets. Compared with
this
Linking Words
, low taxes can improve poor men’s lives.
Therefore
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,
tax
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 offers some benefits for different members of our society. In conclusion, the tremendous effects of
tax
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 ensure the public measurements and promote the happiness life for low-salary
people
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. If the power holder can order the
tax
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 flexibly, the proper
tax
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 will be beneficial for society and the country.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you maintain a logical flow in your arguments and that the cohesion between paragraphs is clear, as there can be some abrupt transitions. Usage of linking phrases can help enhance the smoothness of your text.
coherence cohesion
Develop the introduction and conclusion further. Both need to have a clear and direct reflection of your stance. Ensure your thesis statement and concluding sentence reinforce your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples. The examples provided are somewhat generic and lack specific details that could strengthen your argument. Always aim for more depth in your explanations with relevant and concrete examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you have presented an argument, there could be a broader range of ideas and a clearer position taken in the response. More detailed expansion on why taxes are necessary or the potential disadvantages of not paying taxes would add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Strive for clearer and more comprehensive explanation of your ideas; avoid vague statements. Expound on your statements with clear definitions and explanations as to how specific examples connect to your main point.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your argument. The examples used are relevant, but they lack specificity and concrete detail that would help to clearly illustrate your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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