IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

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People
Use synonyms
 have different opinions that the
government
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 should pay tutor fees for
students
Use synonyms
 whose majors are needed by society.
Additionally
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, those whose majors are less relevant should not receive
government
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 funding. In my view, I do not believe the advantages of the educational policy outweigh the disadvantages, I will discuss the reasons for
this
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 viewpoint in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, the main advantage is
government
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 funds should be used in areas that are more prioritized and useful to the residents.
For example
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, like public transportation systems, water conservancy
facilities
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 electrical
facilities
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 et cetera, those
facilities
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 have a more direct impact on
people
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's daily lives.
Government
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 should spend expenditure on those policies to increase
people
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's welfare significantly,
however
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,
students
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 should pay their own tuition fees
instead
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.
Secondly
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, despite these advantages, the funding supported by the
government
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 would be abused by
students
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.
For instance
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, In Taiwan, we have a college major
that is
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government
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-paid for
students
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, and after
students
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 graduate, they need to work for a
government
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 institution. The
government
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 provides tuition and jobs that will make the
students
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 who do not know what their passion is, they will apply for
this
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 major, but that would occupy the opportunities which
students
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 have passion for, or the
students
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 really need the funding for study.
Therefore
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, the funding in specialized subjects will let
students
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 not choose other subjects which do not have support from the
government
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, and abuse would be a problem resulting in unfairness to
students
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. In conclusion, the
government
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 spending money on livelihood
facilities
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 would enhance
people
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's living quality, meanwhile,
students
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 paying their own university fees would not result in all
students
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 applying for the major which has been supported, which could avoid the abuse and the cause of
students
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 who are really interested not being able to apply for the faculties they want.

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task achievement
Provide more balanced arguments for both advantages and disadvantages to ensure a comprehensive response.
task achievement
Ensure each point is clearly explained and supported with specific details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear position and a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Main points are identifiable and generally well-supported with examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic efficiency
  • allocate resources
  • job market
  • unemployment
  • underemployment
  • skill gap
  • critical sectors
  • financial incentives
  • societal needs
  • potential for resentment
  • undervalued
  • academic performance
  • overspecialization
  • diversity in skills
  • cultural development
  • holistic societal growth
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