Some people believe that the arts (such as music, literature, and theater) are more important than other subjects in schools. Do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying the fact that nowadays we have plenty of new subjects to learn.
While
it is a commonly held belief that the arts such
as music, drama, and theater
have surpassed other Change the spelling
theatre
topics
in terms of importance, there is also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that our living in a rapid
digital world it become a necessity to focus on learning its language which has been translated into various new Change the word
rapidly
topics
.
To begin
with, in this
modern life, almost every surrounding thing has been digitalized. In other words
, the digital world has affected everything in people's lives including the art itself. In addition
, if we do not focus on learning these new subjects, we will be left behind. For example
, in the modern world, art lovers such
as music should learn the new techniques and smart devices that have been invented to play and listen to music.
Another point to consider is that the school's disciplines are significantly critical because we are gambling on our community's future. It is also
possible to say that in schools we are preparing the future leaders, so we have to be worried about what they are being learned in schools. Moreover
, students have different interests so we should realize the importance of this
diversity. For instance
, there was a study a couple of years ago, which found that a great proportion of school students enjoy learning programming and science more than arts.
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that there are many other topics
more important than arts to be learned in schools, and we should be conscious about
the impact of modern Change preposition
of
topics
. However
, we should also
give our students the chance to recognize their interests and desires.Submitted by shaymaa.khalaf91 on
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Introduction
Your introduction successfully introduces the topic, but it could be enhanced by more clearly stating your thesis.
Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a fair level of cohesion with some logical structuring of ideas, but you should aim to provide clearer transitions and paragraphing to guide the reader through your argument.
Supporting Arguments
Your main points are somewhat supported by explanations, yet you should aim to include more specific examples to reinforce your arguments and illustrate your claims.
Task Response
Be sure to fully address all parts of the task. While you do state your opinion, the essay should also include a more in-depth comparison of the arts with other subjects, explaining why other subjects are more important.
Idea Development
Ensure that ideas are not only relevant but also expanded on comprehensively with clear and precise language. Strive for depth in your argumentation.
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