IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree？ Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Tax
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 is a vital part of the government’s earnings.
Nevertheless
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, some people believe that individuals should leave all the salary they obtain. From my perspective, I don’t support
this
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 view and believe that
tax
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 is important for everyone.
This
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 essay will briefly discuss the reasons for my point.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason for paying taxes is that numerous public measures need money.
However
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, the government don’t have sufficient income to pay for them, if it can’t gain the
tax
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.
For example
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, Some China cities, like Chende, suffer in a situation where the local government can’t spend enough fee on public transport because of the 10% decrease in the
tax
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.
Hence
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, citizens have to go to work by expensive private car or bicycle which will cost more time. Obviously, insufficient
tax
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 will contribute to the lower quality of public service.
Body paragraph 2
What’s more, if people can receive all the salary, it will achieve an imbalance between the poor and the rich.
For instance
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, research by South China Normal University illustrates that
tax
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 is an effective method to relocate the economic status of both of them. It is suggested that high taxes can prevent rich men from earning 30% more money from their fixed assets. Compared with
this
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, low taxes can improve poor men’s lives.
Therefore
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,
tax
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 offers some benefits for different members of our society.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the tremendous effects of
tax
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 ensure the public measurements and promote the happiness life for low-salary groups. If the power holder can order the
tax
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 flexibly, the proper
tax
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 will be beneficial for society and the country.

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task achievement
To improve your essay in terms of task response, make sure to address the prompt explicitly by providing a clear opinion on the matter. Your essay must not only state your position but also explore both sides of the argument to fulfill the task thoroughly. It's important to develop your arguments further and provide more in-depth explanations and examples that are directly relevant to the question. Try to balance the discussion of both views, even if you are arguing in favor of one side over the other.
coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, your essay demonstrates some organization with clear paragraphs. However, to achieve a higher score, you should enhance the logical progression of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Also, ensure that the introduction and conclusion are fully developed. The introduction should present a clear thesis statement, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your opinion without introducing new information.
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