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Band 5.5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #numbers
Nowadays, poverty remains a pressing issue in all developing countries. Some people support the opinion that education should be free to at least read and write,
while
 others are opposed to it.
However
, I strongly agree with the given statement
due to
 possible reasons
such
 as a decline in the illiteracy rate etc. and the following paragraphs will expatiate both stances with lucid examples.
To begin
 with, the first and foremost point to agree with
this
 notion is, that it is beneficial for low-income people. To explain
further
, many
kids
 are not even able to acquire the basic level of learning because of the financial crisis.
According to
 the American survey, 80% population of the country named Niger is illiterate because of less budget.
Thus
, providing lectures without fee gives them a sign of relief.
Secondly
, children are the fortune of the state which means free teaching is not only helpful for parents but
also
 for the growth of the nation
such
 as doctors, nurses, scientists etc. To illustrate my point,
while
 people are developing their states, they need a strong economic level, that they can only maintain by educating the community
such
 as the import-export business of oil etc. On the other side of the argument, a few folks believe that it is a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of money as good teaching is not only based on a free curriculum but
also
 on the infrastructure of classes, and highly educated learners.
This
 means, the government should either spend money on all these things or not. To exemplify, the free teaching system of the developing states
such
 as India etc. is still focusing only on grades which is just a waste of money as the
kids
 can not grow because of the burden.
Moreover
, a lot of human beings prefer to educate their
kids
 in private centres because of their disbelief at the low level of teaching in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government schools.
To conclude
, there is no doubt that half of the community likes to send their
kids
 to private universities,
besides
 that it has more positive impacts
such
 as helping the low-income living beings by providing a budget-free lesson etc.
Submitted by buttargurpinder73 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The current essay lacks a proper conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more evidence and specific examples to support your points. The essay lacks sufficient supporting details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • functional literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • educational opportunity
  • employment prospects
  • critical thinking
  • empowerment
  • inequality reduction
  • sustainable development
  • innovation
What to do next:
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