A government has a citizen to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?

#government #citizen #safety #people #defense

All

governments

Add a verb

governments are

governments were

show examples

responsible for their

citizens

Change to a genitive case

citizen's

citizens'

show examples

safety

Hense

Correct your spelling

Hence

show examples

, some

people

have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

debate

Change preposition

whether

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, the

governments

sould

Correct your spelling

should

could

spend more funds

for

Change preposition

show examples

defense

while

less budget for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent

years

Add a comma

years,

show examples

many

governments

consider

Wrong verb form

have considered

show examples

this

matter vigorously. So, In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will explore both sides and explain the reasons why I disagree with

this

statement.

To begin

, currently, many

people

suffer from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

war in

differnent

Correct your spelling

different

locations

due

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

reason countries can not predict the

safety

of their nations any minute. If there is a thread or not every nation has to be ready to face

this

challenge. To maintain the

asurance

Correct your spelling

assurance

of the country every government allocate

considerable

Correct article usage

a considerable

show examples

percentage

from

Change preposition

show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

its

budget

Change preposition

apply

show examples

every year.

For example

, if the Israel and Gasa

governments

did not have the

vepons

Correct your spelling

weapons

and

vehecles

Correct your spelling

vehicles

for the war they could not face

this

war. If they are not ready to face

this

sudden

desastor

Correct your spelling

disaster

It will be a

thread

Correct your spelling

threat

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

their

citizens and they are no longer happy with their

safety

However

, to improve

Correct article usage

a nations

show examples

nations

Change noun form

nations'

nation's

show examples

value

Fix the agreement mistake

values

show examples

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

government

should spend more budget for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education

this

will give the

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

benefit

for the country in the future. It is the most

crutial

Correct your spelling

crucial

critical

basic need and

countries

Change noun form

countries'

country's

show examples

future

decide

Verb problem

depends

show examples

on their

education

level.

Education

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

, it updates more frequently,

authorities

Correct word choice

and authorities

show examples

should use their funds

for

Change preposition

show examples

update

teahcers

Correct your spelling

teachers

knowledge and

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

For example

, many schools use tabs for kids

improve

Fix the infinitive

to improve

show examples

education

Correct pronoun usage

their education

show examples

, government can fund

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

buying tabs for all school children.

This

is not a

governement

Correct your spelling

government

expense

this

is an investment for

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

generation. In conclusion,

eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

safety

is more

crutial

Correct your spelling

crucial

critical

Add an article

the

show examples

government

Add a missing verb

does no

show examples

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

need to spend much money

for

Change preposition

show examples

buying

vepons

Correct your spelling

weapons

and giving

trainging

Correct your spelling

training

for

militeries

Correct your spelling

militaries

. When

education

is funded future will be

Change the word

apply

show examples

safer because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

educated

people

are not

narrow minded

Add a hyphen

narrow-minded

show examples

people

they think wisly, so

nation

Add an article

the nation

show examples

will be

Change the word

apply

show examples

safer when they have

knowlegeble

Correct your spelling

knowledgeable

civilians.

Submitted by Sa.inaka on Wed Nov 22 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that there is a clear and logical structure throughout your essay, including clear paragraphing and use of linking words to connect ideas. Draft an outline before writing to organize thoughts in a logical sequence.

coherence cohesion

An effective introduction and conclusion are essential. Your introduction should clearly state the topic and your position, while the conclusion should restate your thesis and summarize your main points; both sections were incomplete in your essay.

coherence cohesion

Back up your main points with specific examples and evidence. General statements are less persuasive than ones supported by detailed examples or statistics, which were lacking in your essay.

task achievement

Make sure to address the task fully by answering all parts of the prompt. Your essay should address the implications of spending on defense and social benefits, with a clear argument that responds directly to the question.

task achievement

Concepts should be thoroughly developed with clear, comprehensive ideas. Some sentences were superficial and did not delve into the complexity of the issue.

task achievement

Ensure the examples used are specific, relevant, and well-integrated within the context of your argument. Generic examples have less impact and do not demonstrate an in-depth understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
65Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

317 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

national security
vulnerable populations
societal stability
holistic approach
budget allocation
technological advancements
socio-economic consequences
crime rates
public health
education quality
economic strain
inequality
poverty
international alliances
diplomatic relations
military-industrial complex
ethical considerations
cyber security
intelligence agencies
traditional military force

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A government has a citizen to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Professional sports involve large sums of money and receive enormous media coverage. Meanwhile serious culture, including music, art and theatre, is badly neglected. This is making our society shallower. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people use distance learning programmes to study at home, but others think that it cannot bring the benefits as much as attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments' expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that Internet users should be able to express any kind of opinion online. Other people feel that governments or the companies that own websites should put limits on what people can say online.