A government has a citizen to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?
All government
governments
responsible for their Add a verb
governments are
governments were
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
safety
. Hense
, some Correct your spelling
Hence
people
have a
debate Correct article usage
apply
on
Change preposition
whether
that
, the Correct pronoun usage
apply
governments
sould
spend more funds Correct your spelling
should
could
for
defense Change preposition
on
while
less budget for the
social Correct article usage
apply
works
. In Fix the agreement mistake
work
the
recent Correct article usage
apply
years
many Add a comma
years,
governments
consider
Wrong verb form
have considered
this
matter vigorously. So, In this
essay
I will explore both sides and explain the reasons why I disagree with Add a comma
essay,
this
statement.
To begin
, currently, many people
suffer from the
war in Correct article usage
apply
differnent
locations Correct your spelling
different
due
Change preposition
apply
to
Change preposition
for
this
reason countries can not predict the safety
of their nations any minute. If there is a thread or not every nation has to be ready to face this
challenge. To maintain the asurance
of the country every government allocate Correct your spelling
assurance
considerable
percentage Correct article usage
a considerable
from
Change preposition
of
thier
budget Correct your spelling
its
in
every year. Change preposition
apply
For example
, if the Israel and Gasa governments
did not have the vepons
and Correct your spelling
weapons
vehecles
for the war they could not face Correct your spelling
vehicles
this
war. If they are not ready to face this
sudden desastor
It will be a Correct your spelling
disaster
thread
Correct your spelling
threat
for
Change preposition
to
thier
citizens and they are no longer happy with their Correct your spelling
their
safety
.
However
, to improve Correct article usage
a nations
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
goverments
should spend more budget for Correct your spelling
governments
government
the
Correct article usage
apply
education
, this
will give the benifits
for the country in the future. It is the most Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
crutial
basic need and Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
countries
future Change noun form
countries'
country's
decide
on their Verb problem
depends
education
level. Education
not
Add a missing verb
is not
same
Correct article usage
the same
everyday
, it updates more frequently, Replace the word
every day
authorities
should use their funds Correct word choice
and authorities
for
update Change preposition
to
teahcers
knowledge and Correct your spelling
teachers
equipments
. Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
For example
, many schools use tabs for kids improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
education
, government can fund Correct pronoun usage
their education
for
buying tabs for all school children. Change preposition
apply
This
is not a governement
expense Correct your spelling
government
this
is an investment for next
generation.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
the next
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
safety
is more crutial
,Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
Add an article
the
Add a missing verb
does no
no
need to spend much money Correct your spelling
not
for
buying Change preposition
on
vepons
and giving Correct your spelling
weapons
trainging
for Correct your spelling
training
militeries
. When Correct your spelling
militaries
education
is funded future will be more
safer because Change the word
apply
the
educated Correct article usage
apply
people
are not narrow minded
Add a hyphen
narrow-minded
people
they think wisly, so nation
will be Add an article
the nation
more
safer when they have Change the word
apply
knowlegeble
civilians.Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear and logical structure throughout your essay, including clear paragraphing and use of linking words to connect ideas. Draft an outline before writing to organize thoughts in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
An effective introduction and conclusion are essential. Your introduction should clearly state the topic and your position, while the conclusion should restate your thesis and summarize your main points; both sections were incomplete in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Back up your main points with specific examples and evidence. General statements are less persuasive than ones supported by detailed examples or statistics, which were lacking in your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to address the task fully by answering all parts of the prompt. Your essay should address the implications of spending on defense and social benefits, with a clear argument that responds directly to the question.
task achievement
Concepts should be thoroughly developed with clear, comprehensive ideas. Some sentences were superficial and did not delve into the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Ensure the examples used are specific, relevant, and well-integrated within the context of your argument. Generic examples have less impact and do not demonstrate an in-depth understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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