Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

These days,the number of obese
people
is increasing significantly. In
this
essay I will point out the main causes and the effects of
this
phenomenon. It could be seen that our
lifestyle
is the primary cause of obesity, especially the busy
lifestyle
, which makes
people
more lazy . More and more
people
choose fast food and instant food as it is more convenient to eat and cheap even though they have a large amount of calories , and
as a result
people
become overweight.
Moreover
, having a busy
lifestyle
means that there is no time for
people
to do exercise which makes them obese . Vietnam,
for instance
, has many
people
living with a tight schedule, especially in the big cities where
people
spend more time on working and studying than exercising so more and more
people
are overweight than they were before. Because of
this
epidemic many
health
problems have appeared like heart attack and stroke which is not only the reason for many death cases but
also
makes the
health
services overload when the number of
people
having heart attack or stroke keeps rising.
Moreover
, obesity could affect our mental
health
, because in some cases it is the main reason for self-deprecation and depression. It could not be denied that physical appearance plays an important role in our daily life, and as a healthy body is favorable worldwide, being overweight makes
people
feel lost which causes them mental problems. In conclusion, our
lifestyle
is the main reason for obesity which leads to many other physic and mental
health
problems
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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structure
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development
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connectives
Improve coherence with better transitions and logical connectors. Use phrases that clearly show how your ideas are related and sequence them appropriately within and between paragraphs.
task response
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examples
Include more relevant and specific examples or data to illustrate your points. This can involve citing studies, statistics or providing concrete instances that effectively back up your claims.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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