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Band 7

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

#people #drinks #drink
It is true that sugar-based
drinks
 are becoming popular to drink for more and more humans at the moment.
This
 can be attributed to several factors, which call for possible solutions to be adopted. There are several explanations that can be offered to explain why today
people
 are now consuming more based-drink than before. One possibility is that soft drink companies heavily promote their products, thereby the consumption will be increased quickly.
This
 is true because these companies invent marketing campaigns to attract the attention of potential consumers.
This
 can make them exposed to these advertisements and to be tempted to buy
such
drinks
.
For example
, the Coca-Cola company utilize engaging videos and pots on Facebook, and
thus
 they strengthen the brand
as well as
 boost the sales of beverages. Another point worth mentioning is that the modern lifestyle contributed to
this
 trend. Because of their busy lives, human often
seek
Change the verb form
seeks
show examples
 sources of energy to deal with their work, in which sugar-containing
drinks
 are the best choice.
For instance
, when faced with upcoming final competitions, several students in Vietnam depend on Red Bull or other energy
drinks
 to stay up late in order to review their lessons. Various measures,
nevertheless
, can be implemented to address these issues. The first possible solution is that companies' advertisements should be added some advice to create buzz for the brand. The reason is that they can introduce recommendations about limiting excessive use.
This
 can make
people
 who use products think that
this
 is an ethical brand. From there, it creates trust for consumers.
Although
 they are used only a little, they will be known by more
people
. The second approach is that
people
 should be educated about the effects of sweet
drinks
. To explain, from an early age,
people
 should be educated about the dangers of drinking too much foods containing chemical sugar to know how to protect themselves. By way of illustration, there are many diseases that can cause
such
 as obesity, diabetes or heart illness,... In conclusion,
while
 many reasons can be given to explain the popularity of sugar-based
drinks
, steps can be taken to improve the situation.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Consider enhancing your introductions and conclusions to make them more impactful and direct. A clear thesis statement at the beginning and a summarizing concluding sentence can significantly improve the reader's understanding.
Logical Structure
To improve the logical flow of your essay, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. This could involve using a variety of transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the one before.
Supporting Main Points
You can strengthen your main points by including more in-depth analysis and a wider range of examples. Instead of only stating facts, delve deeper into why these facts are important and how they connect to your overall argument.
Complete Response
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. This includes not only identifying the reasons behind a trend but also offering a wide range of solutions and discussing their potential impact.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Strive for clarity in presenting your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are explained in an understandable way, avoiding overly complex sentences or confusing language.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Incorporate a variety of specific examples to support your points. While you have provided some examples, using a wider range of detailed instances from different contexts will make your argument more convincing and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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