IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.
The
shown table
Correct word order
table shown
show examples
 represents the proportion of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 that college
students
Use synonyms
 in A,
B
Use synonyms
, and
C
Use synonyms
 spend on living expenses yearly, with figures measured in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen from the graph that the proportion of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 that college
students
Use synonyms
 in 3 nations
witnesses
Correct subject-verb agreement
witness
show examples
 a difference. The total spending of
students
Use synonyms
 in A was higher than the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of
student
Check wording
students
show examples
 in
B
Use synonyms
 and
C
Use synonyms
. In all the countries,
students
Use synonyms
 spent the highest proportion of their budget on accommodation and food. In terms of A, accommodation accounts for 45% of the total
expenditure
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
B
Use synonyms
 and
C
Use synonyms
, the proportions were lower for
students
Use synonyms
 at 35% and 30%.
However
Linking Words
, regarding food,
students
Use synonyms
 in
C
Use synonyms
 spend the largest percentage of their money on it, accounting for 36%. The figures for
country
Check wording
countries
show examples
 A and
B
Use synonyms
 are only 22% and 28%, respectively.
Students
Use synonyms
 in
C
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 spend the largest percentage of their money on books, with 22%,
while
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 in
B
Use synonyms
 and A spend just 9% and 3%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 in A and
B
Use synonyms
 spent 22% and 23%, respectively, of their budget on leisure,
while
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 in
C
Use synonyms
 spent only 12% on
this
Linking Words
 category.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, students, b, c with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: