All the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older peoples. Do the advantages of this situation outweight the disadvantages?
Nowadays, in some
countries
there are comparatively huge proportion of younger Add a comma
countries,
adults
than the
older Correct article usage
apply
adults
. This
trend has some benefits because having a huge proportion of young people in the population
results in the
productivity for the whole Correct article usage
apply
population
. Although
there are some drawbacks of
having more Change preposition
to
yourger
Correct your spelling
younger
adults
than older ones, the benefits never outweigh the drawbacks.
First of all, having large
number of young Change the article
a large
the large
adults
among population
Add an article
the population
are
beneficial to the Change the verb form
is
country
. The strength of a country
is its human resource and when more than half of the population
is young adults
, the
Correct article usage
apply
economical
development will be ensured without any obstacle. Replace the word
economic
However
, it fully depends on how the country
is using that specific population
. Bangladesh for example
, is utilizing its 70% of younger adult women poopulation
in Correct your spelling
population
garments
sector which leads to an excellent economic benefit. Correct article usage
the garments
Thus
, having more younger adults
than older adults
can contribute to build
a strong economy.
Having Change the verb form
building
less
older Correct quantifier usage
fewer
adults
among whole
Change the article
the whole
population
in a country
sometimes
Add a missing verb
is sometimes
disadvatageous
for the whole nation. It is a common saying that, older Correct your spelling
disadvantageous
adults
can convey their experiences and attained knowledge to the young generation which might help them to shine. Therefore
, having less number of older adults
might led
to some drawbacks which are sometimes irreparable. For Change the verb form
lead
be led
exmple
, in Japan, Correct your spelling
example
the
most of the people in Correct article usage
apply
population
range are younger Correct article usage
the population
adults
and they do not get the proper guidance which
they require to move forward. Correct word choice
that
However
, this
can be resolved by properly guiding and educating them instead
of depending on the
older Correct article usage
apply
adults
.
To conclude
, having large
amount of young Change the article
a large
population
and relatively
low amount of old Correct article usage
a relatively
population
is a common trend and it depends on natural
birth and death process. Correct article usage
the natural
Although
it seems problematic having a large number of productive young population
is always good for a country
's future.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. It is important to have well-organized paragraphs, each with a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences that are relevant and coherent. Additionally, transition words should be used effectively to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
While you have presented both advantages and disadvantages in the essay, there is room to enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas. For a higher score, provide more detailed explanations and diverse examples to fully address the prompt. Make sure each paragraph conveys a comprehensive idea that contributes to the overall position you are taking on the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example