Some people say music is the best way to bring people of different ulture and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #ulture #ages

Many

people

argue that the best way to unite folks together from different cultures and generations is through

music

. I completely agree with the statement because of its societal and personal benefits.

This

essay will discuss my opinion in detail with relevant examples.

Firstly

music

provides immense benefits to everyone.

This

is to say that traditional

music

performances often narrate historical events,folklore,

mythical

Correct word choice

and mythical

show examples

tales which

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

individuals to understand their origin,

culture

Correct word choice

and culture

show examples

and help us to

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

respect

Change preposition

for

show examples

our traditional values.

In addition

people

are addicted to

music

and they form a bond through which they share an emotional connectivity.

For instance

, traditional festivals often incorporate

music

events to show their cultural significance.

Secondly

music

helps us to build a happier society.

In other words

people

are

unitted

Correct your spelling

united

regardless of their environments and backgrounds and offers an impressive networking opportunity.

Moreover

such

emotional bond within the community improves

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

overall

well-being.

For example

, concerts influence individuals to participate and enjoy

rhythems

Correct your spelling

rhythms

rhythm

and lyrics

eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

they

dont

Correct your spelling

don't

understand the language.

To conclude

, in my opinion, I strongly agree that

music

brings

people

together through an emotional bond regardless of

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

and culture.

Therefore

, it must be encouraged to protect our cultural heritage and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ethical values.

Submitted by jeeanay on Thu Nov 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear, structured introduction, body and conclusion. The introduction should present a thesis statement that gives a brief outline of the argument you will make. In the body, each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea of that paragraph, followed by explanation and examples.

task achievement

While the essay addresses the task, it would benefit from further development of ideas and a clearer position throughout the essay. Make sure that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly, and try to write a balanced argument if the question requires discussion of both agreement and disagreement.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

207 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Universal language
Cultural barriers
Shared experience
Social cohesion
Harmony
Synergy
Melody and rhythm
Musical genres
Emotional resonance
Cultural exchange
Intergenerational
Solidarity
Musical heritage
Concerts and festivals
Collective identity
Diversity
Inclusivity
Music aficionado
Cross-cultural
Music streaming platforms

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Some people say music is the best way to bring people of different ulture and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree

Word Count

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It is believed that there are disparities in the types of jobs compatible for males or females owing to their distinct physical and mental strengths. Although occupational suitability based on gender is justifiable to some degree, reality, in my opinion, has proven otherwise.

Some people believe that children should obey rules and listen to their parents and teachers; Some others believe that less control will help children deal with their adult life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people enjoy change and look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to remain the same and do not like any changes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Governments, not private companies should take the responsibility to conduct scientific research. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Should governments take the responsibility of conducting scientific research?