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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The map below shows the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town called Darwin between 2009 and 2014.

The map below shows the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area of a town called Darwin between 2009 and 2014.
#changes #place #waterfront #area #town #darwin
The map
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the development
at
Change preposition
of
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 the waterfront area in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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Darwin town
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2009 to 2014 It is immediately noticeable that
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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 area was demolished and replaced by
Correct article usage
a swiming
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swiming
Correct your spelling
swimming
 pool .
The another
Remove the article
Another
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 significant change was observed by adding
harbour
Correct article usage
a harbour
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 on the sea . Industrial
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
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 had been
tranfsormed
Correct your spelling
transformed
 into green spaces .
Also
 between trees had been equipped the footpath which connected
harbour
Correct article usage
the harbour
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 and artificial forest .
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 the
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of residential
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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 increased in 5 years for 3 to 6 .
In addition
 ,
instead
 industrial
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
 had
builted
Correct your spelling
built
 new education
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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such
Change preposition
as university
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university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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. It is obvious , that some location of facilities has not changed .
For instance
location
Add an article
the location
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 of
2
Correct article usage
the 2
show examples
swimming pool still remain the same .
Furthermore
 ,
convention
Correct article usage
the convention
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center
Change the spelling
centre
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, fishing zone and school
has
Change the verb form
have
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 not
replaced
Add a missing verb
been replaced
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 . Looking from the
overall
 perspective , it is notable that Darwin
village
Capitalize word
Village
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 has developed by adding
a new facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
new facilities
a new facility
show examples
.
Submitted by abdurahimov03 on

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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