IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollutions and housing problems. To what extent do you agree to disagree with this statement?

#people #illness #disease #governments #efforts #pollutions
In recent years, it is believed that reducing environmental contamination and housing issues has been considered one of the ultimate methods of diminishing the risks from ailments. From my perspective, I completely agree that it is the best solution as I discussed below. On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why the government should protect the
environment
 to reduce disease.
Firstly
, the clean atmosphere results in a healthy condition for residents to live in. The bacteria find it hard to survive, if
people
 live in a fresh
environment
.
Additionally
, liquid waste which is discharged into rivers may affect
people
's health through eating and drinking.
This
 contributes to severe
diseases
, of which cancer is a typical example.
On the other hand
, the government should take housing issues into consideration to resist illness. To be specific, subsidizing social housing for homeless
people
 can prevent
diseases
 from spreading into the communities.
This
 is because
people
 who have their own houses may not have infectious
diseases
 in public places
such
 as parks and pavements.
Besides
, the possession of a house can raise
people
's awareness about garbage. To be more precise, citizens can learn how to classify rubbish and put garbage in the right bins to protect the clean
environment
 of their residential areas. In conclusion, solving housing issues
as well as
 a fresh
environment
, both have a positive influence on reducing
diseases
;
Thus
 the government's effort is requisite for handling them
due to
 the fact that health is the greatest asset of a nation.
Submitted by Nastaran_zandy on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are fully developed and clearly restate the central argument or viewpoint of your essay. A clear thesis statement and a summarizing conclusion are critical.
Paragraph Development
Strive for a more structured development of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with supporting sentences that directly relate to that idea. Use a range of cohesive devices and transition words to link your ideas more effectively.
Task Fulfillment
Fully address all parts of the task. Provide clear and comprehensive responses with well-developed ideas that directly answer the essay question. Make sure to elaborate on how the measures to reduce environmental and housing issues can directly correlate with illness prevention.
Examples & Support
To score higher in terms of supporting your main points, make sure to include more detailed and varied examples. Specific real-world examples can significantly strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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