IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company , not to someone from outsiders or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies #promotions #positions #employees #company #someone #outsiders
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The regulations for giving promotions in the group could be different from each other.
While
 some organizations tend to choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees
 that have been working for a long period in the companies, others may have different criteria and allow the other outside
employees
 to get some promotion.
This
 essay will argue that companies have to give
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 to high-level positions to
employees
 dedicating in long period to the
company
. One reason is that the
employees
 who come from the inside community know more about the
company
 profile than others. Their knowledge can help the growth of the
company
.
For example
, a person who has a job in customer services can be promoted to the human resources development (HRD) position as he has much experience with customers. When we choose the other people from outside the
company
, they probably can not do the best
as well as
 the inside ones. Another reason is that the
employees
 who have worked in the
company
 for some years are more acceptable than the people who just come from other groups.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because the
employees
 who come from inside the
company
 are already known by other
employees
. When the meeting
time
 is coming, they can make the discussion easier because they have been interacting with each other for a long
time
.
On the other hand
, if the boss is a new person, the meeting
time
 could have more
time
 to know each other and the discussion may be heavy.
To sum up
, I would suggest that the employee who is from inside the
company
 is better to get promotions to the next
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 position than others.
However
, the
company
 must have good regulations for promotion stages. Without good regulation, the
company
 will lose an employee and it could have a negative effect on the
company
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear, directly addressing the question. Although you've done this well, refining the clarity and directness can enhance the overall effectiveness of your essay.
logical structure
To improve coherence, strive for a smoother transition between paragraphs. Using a wider range of linking words can help create a more cohesive argument flow.
supported main points
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. While you've provided examples, diving deeper into these or adding more varied examples could strengthen your argument.
complete response
Address all parts of the task more completely by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion. Providing a counter-argument before stating your own position could make your essay more balanced and comprehensive.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by elaborating on them with more depth. While your essay contains good ideas, expanding on these thoughts could provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This could involve referencing studies, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios that closely relate to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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