IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays, people get married and have children after age of 30. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples based on your experiences.

#people #children #age #development #experiences
Marriage is not a piece of
paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
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; it is a bond between two souls who decide to live together and plan their future together. In
this
 competitive world, young people won't give priority to marriage at an early
age
 because they have more targets to achieve,
while
 the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters decide to enter into a marriage at the beginning of their middle
age
.
According to
 my perception, it is a positive influence in their lives, and in
this
 essay, I will evaluate my points from my perspective. On the one hand, completing the
age
 of 30 will be a turning point for many individuals since they have already passed three decades in their lives.
Firstly
, a person will be more established at that
age
 since financial stability will be more beneficial at the point of parenthood, which will give them a lot of peace. As an example, to raise a child, parents need more money in the current world
due to
 a variety of expenses.
Moreover
, when a man or woman exceeds the
age
 of thirty, they may become more mature than their youngsters, and they will have more mature attitudes.
For instance
, when a couple plans to have a baby, they will consider certain aspects like financial stability, psychological background, physical wellness, and more.
On the other hand
, there can be certain health conditions that arise during pregnancy after the
age
 of 35, and
this
 will directly affect the child in a negative way for their mental and physical well-being.
However
,
this
 can be avoided if a couple follows the instructions of a doctor and gets ready with all the necessities.
Furthermore
, there are no regulations about parenthood, so a couple does not need to get conceived; they can avoid it if they are not ready.
For example
, there are certain couples who dislike having babies; they derive satisfaction from a child-free lifestyle, and it is their right to live
according to
 their
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
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. In conclusion,
although
 there can be a few negative incidents, like health factors, getting married after the
age
 of 30 is a good trend, which will lead to more positive developments because the world needs increased human satisfaction rather than prolonged suffering.
Submitted by Grrace on

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coherence cohesion
You have generally articulated your argument well, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to improve, ensure that your main points relate directly to the question asked and do not veer off-topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure with paragraphing that aids understanding. To further enhance your coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, although a more thorough exploration of the implications of late marriages and parenthood would be beneficial. Include a variety of complex sentences and ideas to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make your ideas more comprehensive by delving into the complexities of the issue and by reflecting a balanced view. Include more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the topic in order to strengthen the support of your points.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide a more convincing argument. Specific and highly relevant examples carry more weight and make your essay stand out. Consider drawing from a wider range of sources and experiences to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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