Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

#money #food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar

In modern times, there are lots of available food and drink

products

which have

a high levels

Correct the article-noun agreement

a high level

high levels

show examples

of sugar.

However

, the high amounts of sweets from

this

beverage may cause health risks. Other

people

suggest that it must be priced more expensive to make it less attractive to other

people

. In

this

essay, I will discuss why I strongly agree that selling sweetened drinks is more expensive.

Firstly

, consumer

behaviour

is highly influenced based on what's available in the market. If unhealthy goods were priced more expensive compared to healthy options,

then

there would be a shift in

behaviour

As a result

, shoppers will consume

products

which are affordable and healthy.

Consequently

this

behaviour

will lead

people

to eat vegetables, fruits and water.

Furthermore

, healthy selection will lead

people

to maintain a normal body mass index (BMI).

Secondly

, because of pricing changes, huge industries will create alternatives which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

healthier.

For instance

instead

of creating other soda

products

, they will be motivated to distribute water, coconut drinks and other natural drink options.

As a result

, consumers who are thirsty will opt to select water which

are

Change the verb form

show examples

available on the shelves rather than sweetened beverages.

Additionally

, the healthy option will deter

people

from being less obese or acquiring type 2 Diabetes Mellitus which developed from consistently extreme sugar levels in the system. In conclusion, making sweetened

products

expensive would likely shift the customer's

behaviour

not to consume unhealthy options.

Additionally

consuming less of these

products

can help to maintain a normal BMI and less likely to have diseases which can develop from high sugar levels.

Submitted by emmagallares on Thu Oct 10 2024

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task achievement

To achieve a higher band score, consider expanding your ideas further and offering more specific examples. For instance, you could provide statistics on the effects of increased sugar taxes in specific countries or discuss initiatives that have successfully reduced sugar consumption. This would enhance your Task Achievement score.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve Coherence and Cohesion. For example, use transition words and phrases consistently to connect ideas better, which would enhance the flow of the essay.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and keeps the argument focused, which is a strength in Task Achievement.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, which provides a good structure to the essay and is beneficial for Coherence and Cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With the widespread use of the internet , more people choose to work from home . Do the advantages of this trends oughtweigh the disadvantage?

Some people say that advertising is extremely succesfull at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throught the world are becoming more and more similar.