IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
One
 of the most recent trends in today's world is the upsurge in teenagers doing unpaid
community
work
 in their spare
time
. There is a wild split of belief among
people
 that
this
 is a popular subject of debate. In my perspective, doing unpaid
community
work
 in their free
time
 has more positive impacts than negative ones.I agree with
this
 idea for many reasons. On the
one
 hand, critics may point out some drawbacks. They might say that young
people
 can join together in small groups for charity
work
 and do activities that are not compatible with
society
 and are against the law,
such
 as drug deals and robbery.
On the other hand
, there are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. Mainly,
people
 who
work
 in their spare
time
 for an unpaid wage are responsible for
society
.
That is
 the most preponderant
one
, and it has several consequences in various ways. They get an opportunity to learn
time
 management.
Secondly
, they can get different experiences in
society
,
such
 as how to communicate with diverse
people
, compassion for
one
 another, and unity to
work
 well together, which are essential parts of becoming a reasonable person.
Furthermore
, teens will have many activities to do in their spare
time
 as volunteers.
Therefore
, they do not need to waste
time
. It will help them achieve their goals in the future. In my opinion, the whole world is focusing on educating teenagers about doing unpaid
community
work
 in their free
time
. In view of the arguments outlined above,
one
 might conclude that, despite having certain disadvantages, the benefits of doing unpaid
community
work
 in their spare
time
 in
society
 are indeed too dire to ignore.
Submitted by Grrace on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, the overall logical progression of ideas could be improved. Try to ensure that paragraphs are well-developed and each contains a single clear main idea, supported by relevant details or examples. Transitions and signposting language would enhance the flow and clarity.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and presented an opinion, which is positive. However, your ideas need to be developed more comprehensively. The essay lacks specific examples to support the points made; incorporating these would strengthen the argument. Also, both sides of the argument should be explored to fully address the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: