Some people believe that art, such as painting and music, does not improve people’s lives, so the government should not spend money on it. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.
There is a saying that art,
such
as painting and music, should not be included in the government
budget because it does not improve the life of the population. This
essay strongly agrees with this
statement, and it is going to demonstrate how it is a lot more important for a government
to spend most of its funds on citizens’ basic needs, such
as healthcare, education
, and public transport.
One of the most effective uses of a government
fund is to reduce the day-to-day expenditure of citizens’ essentials. This
reduction could be in terms of providing subsidies for healthcare and education
. In fact, these factors are more relevant to people’s lives than art due to
the implications caused to individuals when these services are deficient. Furthermore
, a robust health and education
system
can produce a healthy and skilled workforce which has a trickle-down effect on the overall
economy and happiness. A healthy and educated person stays active, earns money, can meet basic needs, and eventually lives a decent happy life. For instance
, Canadian citizens’ happiness index rose from 55% to 86% over the last
few decades, and all this
is due to
government
-funded education
and healthcare services.
In addition
, the public transportation system
is another fundamental area where government
funds should be prioritized. General people of a country predominantly use the mode of public transport, such
as the bus, train etc. If these means are fast and efficient enough, the commuters would need less travel time and save a significant number of productive hours, which can eventually benefit the overall
national economy. For example
, the Chinese government
had a massive amount of budget to develop its public transport system
in the 1990s, as a result
, they are enjoying the benefit of overall
economic growth.
To conclude
, when it comes to the priority of government
spending between art and other essentials, I am convinced that there are a lot more fundamental areas, like health education
, and a proper
functioning public transportation Change the adjective
properly
system
to be addressed at firstSubmitted by ashissarker18 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a balanced development of main points across the essay. Some paragraphs seem less developed than others, which could lead to an imbalance in logical structure.
task achievement
Focus on providing a clear and direct answer to the essay question in the introduction. State your position unequivocally to guide the reader.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support each point. The examples mentioned are somewhat generic. More specificity could enhance the illustrating power of examples and boost the relevance.
coherence cohesion
Work on the variety of linkers and cohesive devices to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?