IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?

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It is widely argued that
people
Use synonyms
 tend to lose the habit of walking regularly nowadays.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind
this
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 negative view before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to tackle
this
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 problem. There are two primary reasons why a minimum of
people
Use synonyms
 walk regularly. One reason is that the convenience of technology could lead
people
Use synonyms
 to live more lazily. Taking a prime example, living in residential areas, citizens could take a lift to get to the floor they want, which is very easy compared to the stairs.
This
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 acts as a precursor to their inactive lifestyle
due to
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 lack of exercise in a day. Another reason is that the overuse of technology has
also
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 discouraged
people
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 from engaging in physical activities.
For instance
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, some online platforms on the Internet, namely Facebook or Instagram have plenty of eye-catching content which could attract
people
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 to spend time on the Internet.
As a result
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,
people
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 no longer walk regularly like before. To combat
this
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 worrying concern, the following feasible steps should be taken. First and foremost, using elevators should be restricted in low-rise buildings, just in case of the elderly or disabled
people
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.
This
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 method would benefit the local inhabitants to walk more often and give rise to
overall
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 health.
Secondly
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, governments should invest money in building infrastructures for walking,
such
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 as parks, which stand a great chance for citizens to go for a stroll with their families and enjoy the scenery, thereby helping them get into the habit of walking regularly. In conclusion, there are some underlying motives behind
this
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 negative perception, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures be taken to encourage more
people
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 to perceive walking as a necessary part of their lives.

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task achievement
While you provide a clear introduction, make sure it directly specifies what the essay will discuss. This will strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Consider supporting your points with more varied and specific examples to add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth to enhance coherence and cohesion. While your essay is quite coherent, the flow can always be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure that makes it easy to follow. Each body paragraph addresses different aspects of the main issue, which is excellent.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your position clearly.
task achievement
The reasons and solutions you provided are relevant to the topic and thoroughly address the task requirements.
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