IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Your neighbor keeps his/her animal in the garden. Write to him/her about it and the inconvenience it causes you and your family. In your letter · tell what the problem is · explain why it causes inconvenience · suggest a possible solution to it · say what actions you might take if the need arises.

#neighbor #garden #inconvenience #actions
Dear Bushan,                       I am Jagan, residing at house number 23A. I am writing to let you know about the dog which you kept in your garden. I own a dog.
Therefore
 you can understand I love dogs. I waited for more than a couple of weeks before I
am writing
Wrong verb form
wrote
show examples
this
 letter.Your dog Tom is a nice pet. when you are around he keeps the neighbourhood friendly. But you travel a lot and confer the responsibility to your friend Sham. I think he is not doing a decent job. He doesn't refill his food and water on a daily basis resulting in excessive barking. Which is creating disturbance for me
as well as
 for the neighbourhood. Sometimes he doesn't provide adequate food during the evenings, which results in excessive barking on the following day in the morning.Henceforth I suggest informing Sham to visit every day and provide enough food. once you reach home please give me a call back so that we can discuss
this
further
.yours SincerelyJagan
Submitted by kishna.238 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea or purpose. Use the first sentence to introduce the idea and the following sentences to expand on it. Avoid mixing several ideas within one paragraph to maintain clarity and focus.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of the letter is somewhat present, it can be improved. Make sure to use clear paragraphing and sequencing of ideas for better readability. Each paragraph should flow into the next with adequate connectives and transition phrases.
coherence cohesion
A clear greeting and sign-off are present, but consider adding a more personal touch or polite expression, especially towards the end, to enhance the rapport with the reader.
task achievement
Ensure a full response to all aspects of the task. While you have addressed most points, elaborating more on specific inconveniences the dog causes and explaining further the actions you may take would result in a higher score.
task achievement
The tone is suitable and formal, which is appropriate for writing to a neighbor about a sensitive issue. However, make sure to maintain this tone consistently throughout the letter and be cautious with the use of informal language that could appear in casual oral communication.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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