IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Write about the following topic: The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#topic #film #industry #influence #world #governments #duty #money #industries #cultures
In
this
 hyper-competitive revolutionary era, artistic movie production has been depending on the United States to source ideas.
However
,
this
 has raised multiple worries as nationwide is trying to adapt to their content, disregarding the national culture and film traditions. Irrevocably, the
government
; mainly the Arts and Cultural Ministry has to avert the situation before it exacerbates, forming an ignorant and uncivilised society.
Therefore
, I strongly agree that it is the duty of the
government
 to provide the necessary funding in order to curb
this
 crux effective immediately. Right off the bat, allocating funds to create historical-based movies should be integral in combatting the minds of the people from becoming entrenched and obsessed over Westernised entertainment.
Moreover
, traditional stories allow contemporary society to strengthen their nationalism and love towards their country.
For instance
, South Korea's
government
 has recognised and incentivised filmmakers who produce
films
 about Joseon (the history of South Korea before achieving independence).
Subsequently
,
this
 recognition allowed the directors to boost their popularity in
this
 burgeoning industry. To commence
further
, the
government
 can protect local directing companies from bankruptcy. Obviously, the cost of making one movie is an inordinate amount of money.
In addition
, the help from the
government
 to provide sufficient funding
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will
subsequently
 create better job opportunities; especially for the fresh graduates.
Furthermore
, with the creative minds of youths, a new generation of scriptwriters, directors, and cameraworkers could produce many globally attractive
films
 to boost the economic state of the nation. In summation, the underlying causes of the reduction in country-based
films
 necessitate the demographic population to immerse themselves in local productions,
instead
 of supporting
overseas'
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
. Ultimately, I agree that a proper
channeling
Change the spelling
channelling
show examples
 of investment must be done to eradicate the influential
films
 produced by the US to be normalised, as they contain too much violence and bad portrayals of other countries.
Submitted by lishaanatalie on

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task response
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and offers some relevant examples and reasons. However, it can be improved by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and providing more detailed and specific examples to support points.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider organizing the essay into more distinct paragraphs for each main point. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is adequately developed with supporting details.
language
There are occasional vocabulary misuse and grammatical inaccuracies that can affect the clarity of the essay. Reviewing and correcting these issues will strengthen the overall argument.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which contribute to a well-rounded response.
task response
The writer presents a strong argument in favor of government investment in local film industries, reflecting a deep understanding of the topic.
examples
The mention of South Korea as an example provides a relevant and specific instance of how government support can benefit local film industries.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • dominance
  • globalization
  • impact
  • investment
  • culture
  • preservation
  • economic benefits
  • government support
  • diversity
  • cinema
  • local
  • production
  • creative industry
  • artistic expression
  • cultural exchange
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