IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

112.In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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It is argued that
although
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 there are agricultural advances, an increasing number of
individuals
Use synonyms
 still suffering from hunger. The main reason for
this
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 is an increase in population and some
people
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 are unable to afford products, and the most viable solution is to encourage
people
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 not to
waste
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. Every year there are more and more
people
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 in the world. So, more
people
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 need to be fed, and since most of the crops only can be produced in a specific season, the demand exceeds the supply,
then
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, there is still a shortage of
food
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 produced. Another reason is that the prices of the products are increasing significantly.
This
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 is because because of the economic situation of the nations.
This
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 causes that family with low incomes to be unable to afford basic products.
For example
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, from 2021 to 2022, prices of
food
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 in Spain increased by approximately 31%, but the annual earnings of the citizens didn't increase,
instead
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, some sectors' salaries decreased. To tackle
this
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 problem, government and different
people
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 should encourage others not to
waste
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.
This
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 is because some
individuals
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 do not realize what throwing
food
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 away can cause. So, telling
people
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 about the consequences, how many lives they could save by not wasting, and the large number of
people
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 who do not have
food
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 to eat.
this
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 can make
people
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 reduce the excessive purchase of
food
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.
For instance
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, in some European countries, there are campaigns, which tell
people
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 about how many
individuals
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 do not have anything to eat and how to help them,
this
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 resulted in a reduction of
food
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waste
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 by 22% and an increasing amount of
food
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 donations in charities. In conclusion, the reason why there are still a large number of
people
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 suffering from hunger is that there are some
individuals
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 who do not have money to afford
food
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 and with the increasing world population, the best solution is to encourage
people
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 to not
waste
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food
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.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult to understand the flow of ideas. To improve, consider organizing your paragraphs more effectively by introducing each with a clear topic sentence and following it with supporting sentences that develop the main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
A discernible introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not sufficiently introduce the main points or summarize the response. Aim to make your introduction outline the key points of discussion and the conclusion to restate and reflect on those arguments succinctly and effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points of your argument are somewhat supported, but the development of ideas could be strengthened with more varied, detailed examples and deeper analysis. Use specific, real-world examples to illustrate your points and provide more thorough explanations to enhance the support for your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have provided a response to the task, yet some aspects are not fully developed. To achieve a higher score, ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed comprehensively with more exploration of the causes and a wider range of possible solutions.
Task Achievement
While there are clear and comprehensive ideas within the essay, sometimes the connection between them and the overall clarity suffer. Work on articulating your ideas more effectively by providing clearer reasoning and ensuring each paragraph has a singular focus that ties back to the question.
Task Achievement
The essay contains examples, but they could be more specific and relevant to the arguments. Try to include clear examples from credible sources to improve the quality of your argument and demonstrate a closer link to the question.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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