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Band 6

114.At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
It is argued that nowadays there are more young adults than elderly
people
 in some nations.
This
 essay will argue that
although
 there will be growth in the country's economy, more
people
 will be unemployed, which means that the advantages do not outweigh the drawbacks. The main advantage of
this
 situation is that there will be economic growth.
This
 is because young
people
 are more productive, so they can do things quicker and more effectively.
Also
, because of the continuous change in trends and technology, young
people
 are able to adapt better, since they have grown up surrounded by technology, having more original ideas, for the companies.
For example
, many video games and updates on computers and phones are done by young
people
, since they know what
people
 are looking for.
However
, I believe that
people
 of all ages contribute to economic growth. The key drawback is that it causes an increase in the unemployment rate. The reason for
this
 is that the number of
people
 looking for a job increases, but the number of job offers might not increase, causing more competition in the market.
Also
, because there are more
people
 looking for jobs, companies will reduce the salary offered, so they can decrease their expenses, since there will be
people
 who are willing to work even with a low salary.
This
 means there will be more
people
 without work and more
people
 suffering from hunger.
For instance
, in China, salaries are very low, because there is high competition,
this
 causes many families to have difficulties, as they do not have enough money to maintain their family. In my opinion, I think that there are too many
people
 suffering from hunger and poverty, which can cost their lives. In conclusion,
although
 the economy of a country can get better because of the increasing number of young individuals, the unemployment rate
also
 increases, so the benefits do not outnumber the drawbacks.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you present a clear introduction with a direct answer to the question at hand, stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
task achievement
Develop your arguments by expanding on the points made, and provide more detailed examples to support your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on the organization of ideas in paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and use cohesive devices to logically connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes the main points made in the essay and states a clear opinion that addresses the essay prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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