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Writing Samples
Band 7

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages and disadvantages of using technology

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In today’s rapidly evolving world,
technology
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 is developing at a fast pace. The advancement of
technology
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 has transformed how
children
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 devote their leisure time.
This
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 situation has certain pros and cons.
This
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 essay will explicate the advantages and disadvantages of the consumption of
technology
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.
To begin
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 with, the reason why
technology
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 is useful as it helps
children
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 to broaden their horizons of knowledge.
In other words
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, It is not only to pass the time but
also
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 assist
children
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 to learn new things. If students consume internet for the educational purposes
then
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 it can help them to be educated.
For example
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, these days, a large number of students take free online lectures on the video streaming platform YouTube where they can access plenty amount of sources to become experts in academics.
However
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, the excessive use of
technology
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 can bring major challenges for the child. It is an undeniable fact that
technology
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 is very beneficial for
children
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 yet it has drawbacks
such
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 as it can create harmful effects on
children
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’s health. If
children
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 use digital gadgets for relaxation, there are chances of becoming less physically active as
children
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 tend to play games on mobile phones or laptops
as a result
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, they avoid indulging in outdoor activities. Not only
this
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 but
children
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also
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 suffer from poor eyesight as they stick to digital screens.
For instance
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,
According to
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 the latest survey by WHO,
Due to
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 the extravagant use of smart devices, Obesity among teenagers has been rapidly increasing. In conclusion,
technology
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 is quite beneficial for the growth of
children
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. Still, it has significant problems when
children
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 utilize it unlimited. So for that it should be used in appropriate amounts with the correct method.

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the variety of your sentence structures to improve overall writing quality. Incorporate more complex sentences for better fluency.
task achievement
Ensure to back up assertions with more varied examples and explanations to provide a clearer picture of points made.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the essay's structure and purpose, setting a clear expectation for the reader.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the use of online lectures on platforms like YouTube, help illustrate your points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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