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Band 4

Government give lots of support to artists, even though some people believe it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#government #lots #support #artists #people #waste #money
While
 it is thought that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 beef up
artists
, others claim that it is not justified
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 different reasons. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 both points of view will be illustrated and I will give my opinion.
To begin
 with, some people believe that in some countries the authorities provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
 with good support in
order
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
. To illustrate
this
, in my country,the stipend of the public figure is very high because they play a major role in the pleasure spreading.
However
, despite
this
, I am inclined to think neither. Obviously, because their
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not as complex as surgeons
as well as
 firefighters in
order
 to
this
 it is not clarified to support them. Others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 say that the
government
 has to prioritise homeless,
inflations
Fix the agreement mistake
inflation
show examples
 and climate change . Obviously, because some catastrophic consequences are to some extent caused by
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems
If
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
government
 does not tackle them as much as they can. Regarding climate change,
som costal
Correct your spelling
some coastal
show examples
 cities may be vanished in the future in
order
 to
this
 dilemma.
According to
 foresee experts.
Therefore
, what the
government
 has to do is
excer
Correct your spelling
excel
exert
 more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 in
this
 issue so as not
suffer
Fix the infinitive
to suffer
show examples
 from natural disasters in the long run. Not only
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but spending money on homeless people is
also
 vital in
order
 to reduce the number of disadvantaged in our society. In Japan, is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clear example,
artists
Correct word choice
that artists
show examples
 are not funded by the
government
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
focuses
Correct subject-verb agreement
focus
show examples
 on critical issues in
order
 to meet
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future challenges and fulfill the public
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
.
According to
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
justifications
Add a comma
justifications,
show examples
 I am fairly certain expenditure on the artist's works is not fair. In a nutshell, Regarding the
whole
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
given reasons, spending on other critical issues has priorities
instead
 of supporting
artists
.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

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task achievement
Ensure that both views as well as your own opinion are presented clearly and expanded fully. Avoid vague statements and provide clear arguments for each point of view.
coherence cohesion
The essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, with the first sentence outlining the paragraph's main point.
coherence cohesion
Use consistent and appropriate paragraphing. Transition words and phrases should be used to show the connection between ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
While supporting your main points, include more specific and detailed examples to illustrate your arguments. Avoid general or unrelated examples that do not strengthen your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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