IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

#countries #role #mother #father #differences #roles #future
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A
mother
Use synonyms
's role and a
father
Use synonyms
's role in how to treat its family could be
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 in some parts of the world.
Cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
Culture
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country where the couple live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, among other aspects, is the main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
this
Linking Words
 circumstance
rose
Correct your spelling
arose
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.
However
Linking Words
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time goes by, I think
this
Linking Words
 situation might be changed since there are a
lof
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
 of contradictive stories as references for the couple. If we look at countries,
for instance
Linking Words
, in Asia, most of the
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 will say that a
father
Use synonyms
's job is to work all day and feed his family
while
Linking Words
 a
mother
Use synonyms
's job is to be a housewife and to be there for her kids. It is like it was already defined since they were a child, and it goes with them until they are married. Asian culture sticks with them, and they feel obliged to follow the circumstances.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 pressures from
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 older generation,
such
Linking Words
 as their parents, who already did the kind of roles and there is a possibility that they will be mad if their
children
Use synonyms
 do not pursue the same thing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 there are a lot of references for a married couple to alternate their way of parenting. Many websites on the internet tell successful
business women
Correct your spelling
businesswomen
show examples
,
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 a
mother
Use synonyms
 could work as much as she is available for her
children
Use synonyms
. There are lots of
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to do so,
such
Linking Words
 as working from home or video-calling their
children
Use synonyms
 from the office. TV shows
also
Linking Words
 give new perspectives of how sometimes a
father
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 care of
houseold
Correct your spelling
household
 matters
as well as
Linking Words
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time with his
children
Use synonyms
. With
this
Linking Words
 kind of arrangement,
children
Use synonyms
 could feel their
father
Use synonyms
's presence in their life. A strong culture has been the main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why there are different roles of a
mother
Use synonyms
 and a
father
Use synonyms
 in a house.
However
Linking Words
, in the future, spouses could choose to take references in order to change
this
Linking Words
 mindset.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic, the body should develop the argument with clear points and examples, and the conclusion should summarize the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with specific, relevant examples and explanations, to enhance clarity and provide a more complete response to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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