IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 0.5

Some schools are opting to save money by eliminating art classes. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#schools #money #art #classes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Removing a class to decrease fee tuition is not a good solution to manage the costs , because , eliminating specific units like art sessions might produce hidden fees in other aspects ,
for example
Linking Words
 , when students attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a painting class , they can control their own stress and have a better function in another part of a study schedule ,
while
Linking Words
, when they are not able to reduce mental stress , they are going to sick and creating many problems for the school.
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to aid readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas fully, each with a clear main topic followed by explanation or example to support the main point.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address the prompt, providing a clear opinion and discussing the implications of eliminating art classes in your arguments.
task achievement
Use specific examples and evidence to support your views, rather than making general statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic education
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • enrich
  • cognitive
  • emotional outlet
  • visual-spatial skills
  • critical thinking
  • economic shortsightedness
  • cultural exposure
  • non-academic talents
  • innovators
  • cost-saving measures
  • cultural literacy
  • devaluation
  • marginalized
  • integrate
  • emotional well-being
  • problem-solving
  • tangible benefits
  • intangible benefits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: