Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the dveloped world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that
,
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apply
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some people believe that because of
popular
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the popular
show examples
problem
of childhood
obesity
that becoming
one
of the global issues, fast
food
, sweets and sugar snacks advertisements should be banned in schools and colleges,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
can claim that it
is not directly connect
Change the verb form
is not directly connected
show examples
with these kinds of
food
. On the
one
hand, childhood
obesity
is becoming
one
of the global problems and
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
big
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a big
show examples
impact on children's
life
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lives
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and health.
Obesity
can be
gained
Verb problem
caused
show examples
by various
of
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apply
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factors.
Not to mention
,the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
issue is to eat a lot of
over
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apply
show examples
caloried
Correct your spelling
calories
calorie
coloured
food
at the same time
countinuously
Correct your spelling
continuously
.
This
may lead to health problems,
such
as heart
diseas
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disease
, become diabetic, weak bones and
bad
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a bad
show examples
respiratory system. If we restrict fast
food
, sweets and sugary snacks at school or
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college
colleagues
colleages
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colleagues
, it can help to find
solution
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a solution
the solution
show examples
to
this
problem
, children might eat less unhealthy
food
On the other hand
, childhood ability can
gained
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be gained
show examples
not only
Correct article usage
an acceptabe
show examples
acceptabe
Correct your spelling
acceptable
problem
, it can be in
genes
Correct article usage
the genes
show examples
and DNA of
this
child.
Moreover
, people think that
only
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the only
show examples
way to solve
this
problem
,
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apply
show examples
is to not allow unhealthy
food
in particular
places, but
problem
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the problem
show examples
can start from
unhealthy
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an unhealthy
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Obesity
can
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
because there is
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
of
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
,
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
become fat because they are not moving and exercising daily. Nowadays, because of
technologies
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technology
show examples
children
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
lazy and it is
one
Of the
factor
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factors
show examples
that
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
developed
develops
obesity
. It is not
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
school
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schools
show examples
or
college
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colleges
show examples
to sell sweets or fast
food
,
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
need to start from
yourselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
to improve his/her health.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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task achievement
Be sure to fully address the question prompt and offer a clear opinion on the statement. You should aim to give a balanced view if discussing both sides, or a strong, clear argument if you are agreeing or disagreeing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on one main idea, and a conclusion. Use cohesive devices to make the relationships between ideas clearer.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • vulnerability
  • unethical
  • well-being
  • commercial gain
  • cafeteria options
  • nutritional programs
  • fast food advertisements
  • health impacts
  • influence
  • educational environment
  • promote healthier eating habits
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