IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part-time to ensure better opportunities in the future. Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #idea #students #work #opportunities #future #job #study #distracts
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There are split opinions regarding the achievements and
work
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. Some people believe that it is more beneficial to
work
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while
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 studying,
whereas
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 another group of thinkers support that achievements can be earned by giving all of the time to
study
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.
However
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, both have their own pros and cons.
Therefore
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, before commenting on my decision, both aspects will be discussed. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is financially indisputable.
This
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 is because they can earn
money
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 from part-time jobs and that can be used to fulfil all the needs for them or for their
study
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 as well.
Furthermore
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, It is
also
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 a help for their parents as they can help them too.
In addition
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, they
also
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 believe that it provides a big opportunity for them to learn the value of
money
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. The reason is they do hard
work
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 to earn
money
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 and manage time to that as well.
On the contrary
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, the second view suggests that students need to focus on their studies
in addition
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 to achieving something in their lives because students will get distracted by
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
. By
this
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 I mean, that students have already a lot of pressure to
study
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 and their future, if they do the job, they will not be able to focus on it.
Thus
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,
to conclude
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 and vocal my opinion, it can be
finally
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 said that despite the issue of focusing on
study
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due to
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 a lot of pressure, I would say that it have more benefit to
work
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 on their
study
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 as it provides
money
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 to support themselves.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is well-developed with sufficiently elaborated examples and arguments. Avoid repeating points and ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task more thoroughly. It is important to discuss both views impartially and in depth, including more specific examples to support each view before concluding with a reasoned opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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