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Writing Samples
Band 7

The use of phones, tablets, and other devices when people are walking in public is causing concern among many commentators. What dangers may arise when people focus on such devices when walking in the street? How could these problems be reduced?

#phones #tablets #devices #people #concern #commentators #dangers #focus #street
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Recent decades have witnessed the ever-increasing development of cutting-edge technological items, especially phones, tablets, or other portal
devices
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 which endanger the safety of humans when they both walk in the street and concentrate on using them.
This
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 essay will discuss several key negative consequences of the phenomenon and possible measures to improve it. Pedestrians could have to cope with some potential risks if using portal
devices
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while
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 walking along pavements, public areas, and streets.
Firstly
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, the greatest danger is certainly the possibility of people failing to pay attention to their surroundings, which leads to follow-on effects,
such
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 as bumping into other people, falling over uneven surfaces, or even stepping into traffic lanes. A recent study indicated that a number of deaths among teenagers in the UK was attributable to
this
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 case every year.
Secondly
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, our mind tends to be able to prioritize one task at a time, and
then
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 focusing our thoughts on hi-tech products would become the boundary for us to observe and connect with others who may need help or guidance.
As a result
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,
this
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 gesture could boost a sense of insensitivity or indifference in modern society. Turning to possible solutions, it would be helpful to see joint initiatives between governments and mobile phone producers to reduce
this
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 issue. Authorities should introduce more communication programs to raise awareness among the public of these risks.
For example
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, carrying out some educational programs in schools or colleges could be an effective method to reach out to adolescents and young adults. Manufacturers could consider inventing some warning mechanisms on these
devices
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, which detect when traffic or obstacles are nearby so that users can perceive dangers. In conclusion, the problem can continuously become worse unless residents are involved in better education and warned by alarming systems in their
devices
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.
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coherence and cohesion
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coherence and cohesion
Consider the logical organization of paragraphs. Your essay can benefit from clear and logical transitions between ideas and paragraphs to aid the reader in following your argument.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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