IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior manager to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people would argue that employers have to pay more for managers with third-level education than other
employees
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.
this
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 essay totally disagrees with
this
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 statement because many
workers
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 do a lot of things more than their
manager
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, and they stay late at
work
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 or on the
work
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 site under sunlight. Companies should give senior managers high
salaries
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 because they have high education levels and many
work
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 responsibilities,
this
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 puts them under pressure and affects their mental health.
For example
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, there are many
employees
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 in a big workplace and the
manager
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 should check their
work
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 progress.
However
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, the
manager
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's responsibilities are divided among other
workers
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 and they do it for them.
On the other hand
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, other
employees
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work
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 harder than their
manager
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 and they stay late at
work
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 to complete their
work
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, which will affect their health and social life, because their bosses give them many things to
work
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 on,
while
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 they are living early to enjoy in their life.
For instance
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, I had
work
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 in a factory and my boss came late and checked quickly on everything
then
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 gave me a new list to do, so I had to
work
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 at night to finish their
work
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. I agree with that because
salaries
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 should depend on
workers
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' tasks , not on their qualifications. In conclusion, even though some people agree with higher
salaries
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 for senior managers,
this
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 is unfair to other
workers
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 because they
work
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 too much and it is recommended that governments make
salaries
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 regulation depends on
employees
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' tasks not only their education level.

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen logical connections between ideas: While the main points are clear, connecting them more smoothly will help the reader follow your argument better. Use transition words like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'consequently' more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is supported by evidence or explanation. This will enhance the overall coherence and flow of the essay.
task achievement
Clarify your stance from the beginning: Make your disagreement with the statement clearer in the introduction to set the tone for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Develop examples further: While examples are given, more detail and relevance to the argument would make them stronger. Be more specific to show deeper understanding.
task achievement
Clear position and argument: Your stance on the issue is clear, and you provide reasons for your disagreement, which shows critical thinking.
task achievement
Use of personal experience: Including personal experience helps illustrate your point and make your argument more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Structured paragraphs: Despite needing improvement, your paragraphs are focused on single points, which is good for clarity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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