9. People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than those who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I completely agree with the assertion that people living in the 21st
century
enjoy a significantly higher quality of life compared to their counterparts in previous centuries.
This
is evident across various aspects, including basic needs, health, sanitation,
safety
Correct word choice
and safety
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,
as well as
the recognition and enhancement of higher human values
such
as democratic decision-making, culture, and freedom.
Firstly
, the 21st
century
has witnessed remarkable
advancements
in meeting the basic needs of individuals.
Health care
Correct your spelling
Healthcare
show examples
systems have evolved to unprecedented levels, with breakthroughs in medical research, improved diagnostic tools, and innovative treatments. Access to healthcare is more widespread, leading to longer life expectancies and better
overall
well-being. Sanitation practices have vastly improved, reducing the prevalence of infectious diseases that plagued previous centuries. Enhanced safety measures, including technological
advancements
in transportation and communication, contribute to a safer and more secure living environment.
Secondly
, the 21st
century
places a higher value on individual rights, democratic principles, cultural diversity, and freedom. Societies have made significant strides in embracing democratic decision-making processes, ensuring that citizens have a voice in shaping their communities and nations. Cultural exchanges and global connectivity have flourished, fostering a rich tapestry of diverse perspectives and experiences. The recognition and protection of human rights are more pronounced, promoting equality and justice on a global scale.
Moreover
,
advancements
in technology have facilitated the dissemination of information, empowering individuals with knowledge and fostering a culture of transparency and accountability. In conclusion, the 21st
century
stands as an era of unparalleled progress, offering a superior quality of life to its inhabitants compared to previous centuries. The
advancements
in meeting basic needs, ensuring health and safety, and valuing democratic principles and human rights collectively contribute to an era of prosperity and well-being.
Submitted by sewon0924 on

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Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure that you substantiate your claims with more detailed examples. Rather than making broad statements, provide concrete evidence or statistics that illustrate the advancements in technology, healthcare, and democracy.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the main points could be better supported by employing more cohesive devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Utilize a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of information.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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