Discuss both views: some people believe family influences the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

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Along with
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the
development
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of society,
youngsters
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nowadays are influenced by several factors. Some people put forth the argument that family plays the most important role in
children
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’s
development
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,
while
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others believe that other influences in life affect them more. In
this
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essay, I will examine both views of
this
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statement. On one hand, parents are crucial for the
development
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of
children
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’s characteristics. They not only teach their offspring knowledge
,
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apply
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but
also
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about their life experience and discipline lessons.
For instance
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, mother and father usually punish their
children
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when they are naughty, so the
youngsters
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can avoid that bad action. They
also
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put pressure on their
children
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so their
children
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can be more studious and achieve higher achievements when they grow up.
In addition
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, parents are
also
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an example for
children
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.
Youngsters
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usually imitate their parent’s behaviour, so a kind child usually has kind parents.
Therefore
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,
children
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personality’s
development
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is affected by their families.
On the other hand
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, other aspects of life
also
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influence offspring.
Firstly
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, the most influential factor is friends.
Youngsters
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can learn many things from their peers,
such
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as slang words, behaviour and academic knowledge. The reason for
this
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phenomenon is because they interact with each other nearly every day at school.
Secondly
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, teachers
also
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impact the way of thinking of students. They not only teach the lesson from books, but
also
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supervise their students at school and give them
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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when they need it.
Last
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but not least, the effects of the Internet, social media, music, movies and comics influence
children
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’s perspectives. To demonstrate, lots of
youngsters
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in Vietnam are affected by films, so they copy the behaviour of the character that they think is the best.
Hence
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, peers, teachers and the Internet
also
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play an important role in
children
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's
development
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.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the ideas are organized and presented in a clear, logical order. Consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task given. Make sure to illustrate your points with a balance of general views and specific details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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