Discuss both views: some people believe family influences the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

#people #influences #children’ #development #argue #movie #music #friends… #children

Along with

the

development

of society,

youngsters

nowadays are influenced by several factors. Some people put forth the argument that family plays the most important role in

children

’s

development

while

others believe that other influences in life affect them more. In

this

essay, I will examine both views of

this

statement. On one hand, parents are crucial for the

development

children

’s characteristics. They not only teach their offspring knowledge

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

about their life experience and discipline lessons.

For instance

, mother and father usually punish their

children

when they are naughty, so the

youngsters

can avoid that bad action. They

also

put pressure on their

children

so their

children

can be more studious and achieve higher achievements when they grow up.

In addition

, parents are

also

an example for

children

Youngsters

usually imitate their parent’s behaviour, so a kind child usually has kind parents.

Therefore

children

personality’s

development

is affected by their families.

On the other hand

, other aspects of life

also

influence offspring.

Firstly

, the most influential factor is friends.

Youngsters

can learn many things from their peers,

such

as slang words, behaviour and academic knowledge. The reason for

this

phenomenon is because they interact with each other nearly every day at school.

Secondly

, teachers

also

impact the way of thinking of students. They not only teach the lesson from books, but

also

supervise their students at school and give them

advices

Change the wording

advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

when they need it.

Last

but not least, the effects of the Internet, social media, music, movies and comics influence

children

’s perspectives. To demonstrate, lots of

youngsters

in Vietnam are affected by films, so they copy the behaviour of the character that they think is the best.

Hence

, peers, teachers and the Internet

also

play an important role in

children

development

Submitted by cathyngo1512 on Sat Nov 25 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that the ideas are organized and presented in a clear, logical order. Consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.

Task Achievement

Fully address all parts of the task given. Make sure to illustrate your points with a balance of general views and specific details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Discuss both views: some people believe family influences the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schoolto prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?