Some people say the government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums, they should spend more money on medical care and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree this opinion?
As the world's population grows in number, governments are finding it difficult to allot enough funds to sections of the society that are of most importance.
While
some say that activities meant for recreation are crucial and should receive money from the authorities, others, along with
myself, disagree as there are other sectors that lack funding and should be looked at instead
.
Equality in education and proper medical care is a point of discussion and debate in nearly every country across the globe. Most governments struggle to allocate appropriate funds required to keep government hospitals and educational bodies running throughout the year. As a result
, building new medical and educational facilities in areas of the country that need it, happens few and far inbetween
. Correct your spelling
in-between
in between
between
In addition
, any unfortunate natural disaster further
causes hindrances
and delay in construction
of newer schools and more technologically advanced hospitals. Any money reserved for recreational activities should be directed towards these areas of the society that require funding.
Correct article usage
the construction
Moreover
, nearly all movie theatres nowadays are built by private contractors, as it is deemed to be an extremely profitable line of work. For instance
, nearly all of the theatres currently functioning in India are privately owned by a single company. Instead
, more focus should be put on the upkeep of the sports stadiums and government-owned movie theatres that are already running.
In conclusion, while
it is necessary to have places of recreation as it
Correct pronoun usage
they
benefits
an individual's Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
overall
health, accessible and cheap means of healthcare and education are of greater importance, and the government should reserve funds accordingly
.Submitted by Writing8
on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow of ideas by avoiding abrupt sentences. For instance, the phrase 'In addition, any unfortunate natural disaster further causes hindrances and delay in construction of newer schools and more technologically advanced hospitals' could be integrated more seamlessly into the paragraph without a standalone introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to substantiate your points. For instance, when discussing the allocation of funds or private ownership of theaters, specific data or real-world examples can add weight to your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the context and presents your standpoint effectively.
coherence cohesion
Both your introduction and conclusion are well-written and effectively summarize your viewpoint, adding clarity to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.