IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.

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So important is the idea of Saving capital for the majority of people, that it is believed for others it should be spent directly. These statements on both sides have their distinctive argument to discuss, and I will elaborate on them below. Looking first for people as hoarders thinking the saving fund activity would give security sense for risks about
further
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. On top of that, workers with an average salary say that
this
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 activity would help them to manage their expenditure for something which is more urgent to purchase.
For example
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, health and education assurances could give their and their family certainty for health and well-being in the future.
Furthermore
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, it is believed that, if they deposit their check, they will get a stable life in their old age.
On the other hand
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, people with a habit of self-rewarding, spending their salary on something they need or like after a hard job would be happier and have more regard for themselves.
For instance
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, when shopping and travelling after payday workers would return to the spirit of the industry because they feel cheerful when they
job
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work
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 again the next performance day.
In addition
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, spending on stuff and services could grow the economy and open job opportunities because of demand from them, which at least brings a little positive impact. Taking everything into account,
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 spending payment to appreciate themselves is a good way after elbow grease. But, in my own sense, it should be considered that saving wealth is the wiser decision for better health and well-being both for ourselves and our families in the future.

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coherence cohesion
You should aim for clarity in expressing your ideas. Your essay shows some organizational structure but often lacks clear connections between ideas. Using transitional phrases can help clarify relationships between points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but need to showcase clearer and more direct responses to the question. Be explicit in your opinion from the beginning and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported but need more development. Integrate more detailed examples and explanations that are directly relevant to the question to enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your response should provide a balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. Include a summary of the main points before the conclusion for a more complete response.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more comprehensively. Work on developing clear and precise sentences, and make sure your paragraphs have a clear main idea. Avoid vague statements and aim for specificity in your discussion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While you have attempted to provide examples, they need to be more detailed and directly related to the points you're making. Examples are a powerful tool to illustrate your points and should be used effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • accumulate
  • stimulate demand
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • financial balance
  • budgeting
  • expenditures
  • personal goals
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