IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The follawing bar charts shows the different modes transport used to travel to and from work in one Europian city in 1960 , 1980 and 2000

The follawing bar charts shows the different modes transport used to travel to and from work in one Europian city in 1960 , 1980 and 2000
#bar #modes #transport #travel #work #europian #city
The bar chart illustrates using percentage of four different vehicles in cities of Europe in 1960-2000.
Overall
, in 2000
users
 of
car
 and in 1960
users
 of
foot
 was the highest one. Meanwhile, all transport mode in 1960 was similar. In 1960 total travellers of bus was 18%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is less
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 bike percentage that are 25%. The
bus
Correct quantifier usage
number of bus
show examples
users
 increased during the next 20 years and
account
Wrong verb form
accounted
show examples
just
Change preposition
for just
show examples
 over 25%, even more than
Correct article usage
the bike's
show examples
bike's
Change noun form
bike
show examples
 total number.
Also
, in the next 2
decade
Fix the agreement mistake
decades
show examples
 the per cent of
Add an article
the bus
a bus
show examples
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 in 2000 that
caunt
Correct your spelling
count
 approximately 17%, they were 3 times more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bike
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year. In 2000 travelling by
car
 was higher than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 groups of
year
Add an article
the year
show examples
. They peaked at over 35%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is more
4
Change preposition
than 4
show examples
times than usage in
foot
Fix the agreement mistake
feet
show examples
 in 2000.
However
, in 1960
foot
users
 was
on the contrary
 more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 number of
car
 for 6 times.
On the other hand
,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 number of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 2 transports in 1980
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have
such
 big
differencies
Correct your spelling
differences
difference
. The
car
 more for only 5% than
foot
Add an article
a foot
the foot
show examples
.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words users, car, foot with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: