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Band 3

The only way to improve road safety is to give stricter punishments to driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishments #offences
Road
 safety and its influences have long been a topic of numerous debates , especially in recent years. I totally agree that the
punishments
 will stimulate
decrease
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a decrease
show examples
of
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in
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the
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apply
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road
 accidents
,
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apply
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 because the people will not want to face
with
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apply
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the financial hardships of
punishments
 and public awareness of the society will burgeon about strict penalties. One major advantage of financial penalties would be
demotivation
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the demotivation
show examples
 of the offenders to do harmful actions
in
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on
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 the
road
. Considering the fact that in the modern and capitalistic
society
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society,
show examples
 people would not want to pay high fines
due to
 their one trivial misbehave.
As a result
, drivers will step off from violation of the law and endangerment of a
road
 as well. Another significant advantage is the
acceptence
Correct your spelling
acceptance
of the city dwellers to the
punishments
.
According to
the
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apply
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some public policy theories
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,
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as the number and amount of
punishments
 get higher and higher, the public
get
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gets
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 used to these changes and
acknowledge
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acknowledges
show examples
 the fact that they have to obey the law.
Consequently
,
they
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there
show examples
 will be less traffic congestion and accidents. In conclusion,
while
 others
supporting
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support
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 the opposite view, I believe that
the
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apply
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imposing strict penalties will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
public awareness and financially demotivate from
acting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
road
 crime
acts
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by ealiyev13182 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. While your conclusion does restate your opinion, it could be stronger by summarizing the main points more effectively.
Task Achievement
Work on presenting clear and well-developed arguments. Your ideas are relevant, but you should provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors as these can impact the clarity of your argument. Proofreading your essay would help to eliminate such mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • reckless behavior
  • psychological deterrence
  • adhere
  • penalties
  • awareness campaigns
  • knowledge and skills
  • technological solutions
  • advanced safety features
  • automatic braking systems
  • lane departure warnings
  • traffic surveillance
  • enforce laws
  • socio-economic impact
  • disproportionately
  • broader social issues
  • community engagement
  • road safety culture
  • collective responsibility
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