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Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investments in the arts such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investments #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #services
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It is said that investing
money
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 in different branches of
art
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 can be considered a
money
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 waste because
this
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money
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 should be spent on more important matters like public services.
However
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, I totally disagree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 the positive effects of
arts
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 both on
people
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's mental health and their social behaviour. I will shed light on my reasons in the following paragraphs.
Initially
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,
arts
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 can enhance the mental health of humans by helping them to get far from all the stresses and strains of their daily lives. Urban lifestyle has imposed a great deal of pressure on citizens because of working tensions and being stuck in heavy traffic jams on a daily basis. These stresses have been shown to cause mental diseases like depression when continue for a long period of time. An artistic work like a fine piece of music can act as a distractor for
people
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’s minds which can reverse the negative effects of the above-mentioned stressful situations. So, any investment in music as a means of retreatment for the
people
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 cannot be considered a waste of
money
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.
Secondly
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, the general attitude and behaviour of every single person in a particular country can be directly affected by its
art
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 and culture. Take poetry as an example of
art
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, there are several poets who have dedicated their whole
life
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lives
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 to encouraging
people
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 to follow the basic moral principles. When
people
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 learn to adopt a better attitude, they will
also
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 cause less damage to public services in order to avoid violating other’s right to use them as well.
As a result
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, not only investments in
arts
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 are not wasting
money
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 but they can actually help the resources to be preserved. In conclusion, despite some opposition to spending
money
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 on
arts
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, I believe beneficial aspects of artistic works
such
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 as improving public health and the cultural background of a society can be good enough reasons for governments to allocate a significant proportion of their income to leverage the improvement of
art
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.
Submitted by greatsoloist on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are elaborated with specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on developing more cohesive devices and transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and conclusion, the main body can be expanded with more varied sentence structures and vocabulary.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument to fully satisfy the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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