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Writing Samples
Band 5

in some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss some of the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

In many countries around the world,
students
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 are often encouraged to take a school break,
such
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 as
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 or engaging in part-time work, before continuing their
university
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studies
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views regarding the advantages and disadvantages of
students
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 taking a school break before pursuing higher education.
To begin
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, educational authorities have established breaks for
students
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, aiming to allow them to release stress accumulated during their
studies
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.
Therefore
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, it may be beneficial for
students
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 to maintain a spirited approach to
university
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 life. Taking part-time
jobs
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 or
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 with friends are among the activities
students
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 can pursue during
this
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 break, significantly reducing stress and enhancing their work-related experiences.
Consequently
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,
students
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 may approach their
university
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studies
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 with renewed passion.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages to encouraging
students
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 to travel or take part-time
jobs
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.
For example
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, in Indonesia, some
students
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 may be tempted to postpone their
university
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studies
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 after earning some income.
This
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 delay could be influenced by the allure of receiving a salary through employment. In
such
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 cases, parents play a crucial role in guiding
students
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 to ensure they balance work and educational commitments.
Additionally
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, most part-time
jobs
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 offer lower salaries compared to the potential earnings after completing a 3-4 year
university
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 program. In summary, taking a break or engaging in part-time work after completing school can help alleviate student stress accumulated over the years of study.
However
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,
students
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 need to be mindful of time limits when pursuing part-time
jobs
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, as these roles may offer only monthly salaries.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and subsequent sentences should support that idea. Transitions between paragraphs and ideas should be smooth and logical, guiding the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, indicating an awareness of essay structure, which is positive. However, the conclusion needs to reiterate the key points more clearly and provide a final, decisive opinion on the matter.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more developed explanations and relevant examples. The use of specific details will strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling to the reader.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay should discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the gap year in equal measure. Present your ideas with clarity and depth.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively with a clear explanation of how they are relevant to the topic. Avoid repeating ideas and instead delve deeper into each concept to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Examples should be concrete and directly relate to the points you are making, rather than being generic or vague.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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