IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Art should be a compulsory class for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #class #school #students
Some people claim that
students
 need to learn
art
 as a compulsory high
school
 subject to reduce their stress
while
 others believe that it is not practical and will not be used in their adult lives. I partially agree with
this
 topic.
This
 essay will talk about both sides and their positions on
this
 argument. Learning
art
 as a compulsory subject in a high
school
 might be inefficient as it will not likely be used after student
graduations
Fix the agreement mistake
graduation
show examples
. When they get into a university, they only need to enrol and be required to study subjects related to their major.
Students
 who major in courses
such
 as business and psychology will not face any situations where they can utilise theories of
art
 they learned in high
school
 for their university assignments or exams.
Also
, like math where
students
 can utilise knowledge
such
 as when exchanging and counting money,
art
 will not be as helpful and effective in the
real-world
Correct your spelling
real world
show examples
.
Therefore
, learning
art
 will not be practical.
On the other hand
, it will give
students
 some
time
 to rest and reduce their stress from studying.
Students
 normally spend 7-8 hours in a high
school
 studying complex subjects that give them headaches
such
 as biology, math, and science. Requiring
students
 to
necessarily
Rephrase
apply
show examples
take
art
 might mean that they will have
time
 in their study life to draw and paint anything they want without thinking about the difficult formulas and theories they learned from those complex subjects.
Thus
, during a
time
 when
students
 have
art
 class, they might feel comfortable,
peaceful
Correct word choice
and peaceful
show examples
, which can reduce their stress. It will be argued on one side that making
art
 a compulsory high-
school
 subject is useless as it will not be utilised in the real-world setting later in
students
’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
However
,
art
 can play a crucial role in enabling
students
 to have
time
 to relieve some
stressed
Replace the word
stress
show examples
 from the load of studying and feel more comfortable.
Thus
, I
more
Add a missing verb
am more
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the side
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 agreeing that
art
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 should be provided to all high
school
students
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
compulsory.
Submitted by rlatpdms1411 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction contains a clear thesis statement that reflects your position on the topic. It will help to guide the reader through your argument. Your conclusion should also restate your thesis and summarize your main points adequately.
logical structure
The essay needs to be organized in a more logical manner. Every paragraph should have a clear central idea, and subsequent sentences should support that idea. Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to maintain a cohesive flow of ideas.
supported main points
You have made some generalized statements without backing them up with specific examples. Whenever you make a claim, it's important to illustrate it with a concrete example, which adds depth to your argument and aids in persuasiveness.
complete response
To achieve a higher score, it is necessary to address the task fully, which may include outlining both sides of the argument and then clearly stating and supporting your own stance. Make sure each paragraph develops a clear point related to the central argument of the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are relevant, but you need to ensure that they are clearly expressed and thoroughly developed throughout the essay. Try to expand on your ideas with detailed explanations and examples, which will help to achieve a more comprehensive and nuanced response.
relevant specific examples

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: