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Writing Samples
Band 4

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
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People
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
often
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 television in their free
time
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
can
show examples
 be detrimental to their physical and social
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I completely
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should reduce
televiosn
Correct your spelling
television
televisions
time
Use synonyms
 to be more active which I will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 will hold
people
Use synonyms
 at their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable social
time
Use synonyms
. Fond
televion
Correct your spelling
television
programs
Use synonyms
 will encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to stay at home rather than socialising with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
show examples
 and
active
Add a missing verb
be active
show examples
 physically. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the popular
Use synonyms
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
show examples
 timings are six to
eighta
Correct your spelling
eight
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 evening. As a
consequent
Replace the word
consequence
show examples
, the regular program watchers will stay at home rather than
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 out with friends.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are not fond of television will spend the evening
time
Use synonyms
 with socially active.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 is affecting the health of
these citizen
Change the determiner
this citizen
these citizens
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
watching television will be less
active
Rephrase
physically active
show examples
 in physically which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.
Finally
Linking Words
,
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consuming
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
televiosn
Correct your spelling
television
televisions
programs
Use synonyms
 will affect
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of children. Children may imagine themselves as the
charactors
Correct your spelling
characters
 of their favourite
televiosn
Correct your spelling
television
televisions
 shows which might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their social interaction.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 incident reported in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 school in London
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the students
fight
Wrong verb form
fought
show examples
 each other as
imagine
Wrong verb form
imagined
show examples
 themselves as the
charecters
Correct your spelling
characters
character
 of
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 action movie.
As a result
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
they will more focus on the
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
programs
Use synonyms
 and lazy to learn school lessons. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
televison
Correct your spelling
television
programs
Use synonyms
 will affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social life by holding watcher
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the
Use synonyms
televison
Correct your spelling
television
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their social
time
Use synonyms
.
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
show examples
 who are addicted to
Use synonyms
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
charectors
Correct your spelling
characters
 which will
detrimental
Add a missing verb
be detrimental
show examples
 to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 social and school
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task achievement
Your essay shows an attempt to address the prompt, but your response is limited in development, and your arguments are not fully clear or expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay lacks clear progression, and ideas are not logically ordered or well-developed. Your paragraphs should follow a clear structure, with a central idea followed by supporting details.
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