IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #laptop #school
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It is widely believed that when children start high
school
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, they should have a
laptop
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. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
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 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that learners should have a free
laptop
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 for their studies at high
school
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. One of the main reasons can be that, nowadays, technology has developed and there are so many e-learning materials.
This
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 means that youngsters can
use
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 a
laptop
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 to search for
information
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 and documents related to their learning at
school
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. Another reason can be that using a
laptop
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 can make studying easier when they
use
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 it for the right purposes.
For example
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, there are many different cultures and customs in the world that students may not know fully about or cannot go to those places. With an electric device, they can search for
information
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 on Google so they can learn, exchange and discuss about them.
On the other hand
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, I disagree with the viewpoint that it is a must for teenagers to
use
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 a
laptop
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 when they start high
school
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.
Firstly
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, it may happen that they do not
use
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 laptops for helpful activities.
This
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 is because there can be many negative things that happen to them.
For example
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, if learners
use
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 laptops to play games too much, it can make them addicted to games and even stop eating.
Secondly
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, there is
also
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 a lot of negative
information
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 on social networks today. If
school
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 children are exposed to and read a lot of that
information
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, it can greatly affect them.
For example
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, they can learn inappropriate behaviour with so many video clips about
school
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 violence or cyber abuse. In conclusion,
although
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 children should have a
laptop
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 when they start high
school
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, I’m convinced that they must be guided and supported so that they can have clear purposes for using a
laptop
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;
otherwise
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, they can be affected and have a lot of trouble in the future.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea or theme. The current essay mixes advantages and disadvantages within the same paragraph. Separate these into distinct sections for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively but avoid overuse. The essay could benefit from more varied linking words and transitional phrases.
task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the thesis statement could be clearer. State your stance on the issue explicitly to avoid confusion.
task achievement
Develop each main point with a mix of general statements and specific, illustrative examples. The essay attempts this but would benefit from deeper exploration and more varied examples.
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