IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Write about the following topic: In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and traditional values are no exception.
While
Linking Words
 some place a high value on the wisdom of the old, others believe the young are much more important in the development of societies. From my perspective, the younger, the more growth. On the one hand, underestimating the importance of elderly people in guiding the young is not logical. They have been experiencing many challenging moments in their personal life, since they are really trustworthy for the new generation to follow their path, which not only benefits young individuals, but
also
Linking Words
 makes society a better place to live.
For example
Linking Words
, I always tend to receive wonderfully effective advice from my older sister because I am dead sure she can guide me in the best way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a definite link between youth and an advanced community. To clarify, young people are more likely to take risks and accept new ideas, which results in increasing the productivity of societies.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have a lot of digital knowledge.
This
Linking Words
 plays a crucial role in broadening their horizons towards different topics and making some innovations.
For instance
Linking Words
, some developed countries like the US and the UK invest a lot of money in the upbringing of children.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are much more developed compared to other nations that fail to invest in younger generations. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the previous generation is too important to be overlooked, the new generation goes a long way in the world of technology. In my view, if communities want to progress much more, they have to prioritise the young over the elderly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Be clear about your main point at the start and keep this idea in mind through the whole essay.
coherence
Use simple links like and, but, also, for example so ideas join well.
content
Give each idea a full sentence with a clear example so the point is easy to see.
grammar
Check grammar and use short, clear sentences to avoid mistakes.
structure
End with a clear conclusion that repeats your view.
strength
The essay shows a clear own view.
strength
It discusses both sides of the topic.
strength
A personal example is used to show your point.
strength
There is an attempt to link the issue to big ideas like technology and growth.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: