IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?

#nations #countries #relief #disasters
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Rich
countries
Use synonyms
 should provide humanitarian
assistance
Use synonyms
 to poorer
nations
Use synonyms
 in the event of
cataclysm
Replace the word
cataclysmic
show examples
 disasters.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement that wealthy states ought to help less affluent
countries
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 global
solidarity
Use synonyms
 and
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
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preventing
Replace the word
prevention
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. Global
solidarity
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 is one of the crucial
tool
Change to a plural noun
tools
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 to
support
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 suffering
nations
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 during horrific natural periods. Supporting poorer
countries
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 in times of crisis reflects a sense of global
solidarity
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. It fosters a spirit of cooperation and mutual
assistance
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, emphasizing that we are all interconnected.
For instance
Linking Words
, after the tsunamis that occurred in Asia during
this
Linking Words
 century, numerous developed
countries
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, including the USA and China, provided essential humanitarian aid, offering supplies like food and medical resources to
support
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 affected
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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.
This
Linking Words
 significant
assistance
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 made
a substantial contributions
Correct the article-noun agreement
substantial contributions
a substantial contribution
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 to the faster recovery of the afflicted territories and their people. One of the main
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
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 of developed
countries
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 is to be in charge of natural disasters
due to
Linking Words
 ethical issues,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in low-income states. Wealthy
nations
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 most likely have greater resources and capacities to respond faster and
efficiency
Replace the word
efficiently
show examples
 to natural disasters. Acknowledging
this
Linking Words
, they have
moral
Add an article
a moral
show examples
 responsibility to help those who lack the means to cope with
such
Linking Words
 crises.
Foe
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 example, the USA and Canada allocated financial
support
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 and maintenance for restoring destroyed facilities
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Haiti
due to
Linking Words
 vast destruction after hurricanes. In conclusion, wealthy
countries
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 ought to help with humanitarian supplies
due to
Linking Words
 environmental catastrophes occurring in developing
nations
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. Rich states
support
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 with their
solidarity
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 in order to encourage
morally
Rephrase
apply
show examples
those who are weak and
also
Linking Words
 allocate some financial and physical
assistance
Use synonyms
 to be responsible
of
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 natural
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 all around the world.
Submitted by bbelozertseva on

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coherence cohesion
Improvements can be made in the logical structure of your essay. The ideas should be more clearly connected and flow naturally from one to the next. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases. Organize the paragraphs so that each main idea is clearly introduced, discussed, and concluded.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, work to refine them to more clearly present the thesis statement and summarise the main points of the essay. The conclusion could better mirror the ideas presented without introducing new concepts.
coherence cohesion
You provided some support for your main points, but to enhance your essay, include more detailed examples and explanations. Specific details and evidence strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, and there is a clear position throughout the response. However, the response would benefit from a deeper analysis and more comprehensive development of ideas. Expanding on the reasoning behind the arguments and exploring the topic more fully would improve task achievement.
task achievement
Ideas are somewhat clear, yet not developed comprehensively. Aim to explain your points more thoroughly, giving the reader a better understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
Your use of examples is relevant, but they need to be more specific and fully developed. Instead of general statements, provide detailed instances that directly relate to the topic to illustrate your points better and add credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Humanitarian relief
  • Infrastructure
  • Global solidarity
  • Disproportionately
  • External assistance
  • Rebuilding efforts
  • Disaster response
  • Investment in stability
  • Dependency theory
  • Responsible intervention
  • Paternalistic
  • Shared humanity
  • Sovereignty
  • Capabilities
  • Fatality rates
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