Some people think that becoming popular through TV or Internet makes ordinary people happy. To what extent do you agree with the statement? What other things make modern people happy?

#people #tv #internet

At present, everyone can be

fame

Replace the word

famous

show examples

Change preposition

through

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advanced technology

such

as social medias Some claim that

people

can get instant

popular

Replace the word

popularity

show examples

through online video blocks and TV shows that

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

pleasure.

However

, I strongly disagree with

this

statement because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real

happiness

is not getting fame

besides

the relationship can bring enormous joy

this

way

Change preposition

apply

show examples

modern folks feel satisfaction.

This

essay

discuss

Change the verb form

discusses

show examples

it briefly for the following reasons.

To begin

with,

Correct article usage

the celeberity

show examples

celeberity

Correct your spelling

celebrity

lifestyle cannot bring more joyness but help for financial growth in

short

Add an article

a short

show examples

period of

time

although

, instant fame does not

hold

Verb problem

last

show examples

a long periods

Correct the article-noun agreement

long periods

a long period

show examples

because social

medias

Fix the agreement mistake

media

show examples

celebrities should do anything new updates to their viewers,

consequently

this

suituation

Correct your spelling

situation

might get more depression and anxiety.

For example

, Indian folks more concentrate

to develop

Change preposition

on developing

show examples

their own online

blogs channel

Fix the agreement mistake

blog channels

show examples

to increase the

subcribers

Correct your spelling

subscribers

along with

views but some

suffers

Change the verb form

suffer

show examples

mental-based problems.

Hence

this

public eye

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

pressure to the common

people

Moreover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

genuine

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

can bring enormous

joyness

Correct your spelling

joy

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

updated mankind because they desire to feel

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real

happiness

rather than fake fames. Spending quality

time

with family members, joining dinner

amd

Correct your spelling

and

going family trip

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

makes more

pleasures

Fix the agreement mistake

pleasure

show examples

and

self-satisfactions

Correct your spelling

self-satisfaction

show examples

For instance

, the Times of India conducted

the

Correct article usage

show examples

survey said that how

people

acquire

happiness

Change preposition

apply

show examples

nowadays more than 80% of the folks

answer

Wrong verb form

answered

show examples

was spending

time

with

the

Change the word

their

show examples

family members.

Then

, these are the ways

Change preposition

apply

show examples

mankind

obtain

Correct subject-verb agreement

obtains

show examples

joyness

Correct your spelling

joy

To conclude

social

Correct article usage

the social

show examples

medias

Fix the agreement mistake

media

show examples

public eye

Verb problem

has

show examples

short

Add an article

a short

show examples

period of popularity

this

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

makes

Verb problem

causes

show examples

mental-based

Correct word choice

more mental

show examples

trouble than

happiness

but spending

time

with

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

genuine relationship can bring enormous pleasures and modern

people

also

kihe

Correct your spelling

want

to get

this

way.

Therefore

, I strongly disagree with

this

statement in the above-mentioned details.

Submitted by reanudeepan on Mon Nov 27 2023

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Task Achievement

Considering Task Achievement, while you've made an attempt to address the topic, your response is somewhat limited and the ideas are not fully developed or exemplified. To improve, ensure you directly address all parts of the question and develop clear arguments with pointed examples that support your statement effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

Regarding Coherence and Cohesion, your essay lacks a clear logical flow and exhibits issues with paragraph structure and topic sentence clarity. To enhance your score here, you need to make better use of cohesive devices, ensure paragraphs are well-structured with clear main ideas, and transitions between them are smooth. This will strengthen the coherence of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Fame
Happiness
Recognition
Adoration
Sponsorships
Lifestyle
Public eye
Pressures
Privacy
Genuine relationships
Job satisfaction
Accomplishment
Health and wellbeing
Personal growth
Self-improvement
Social media
Celebrity
Superficial satisfaction
Financial opportunities
Public approval

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Some people think that becoming popular through TV or Internet makes ordinary people happy. To what extent do you agree with the statement? What other things make modern people happy?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In many cities there is a lack of space to develop and as a result, in order to modernize, old buildings are demolished and replaces with new buildings. What are the disadvantages of knocking down old building? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

The crime nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance in technology which can help prevent and solve crime.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

According to observations, some animal species have become extinct or endangered in recent decades. What are reasons behind this tendency? What effects it may have on ecosystem in general?

QUESTIONS: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.